Thursday, May 22, 2014

No Difference - All Pussies

Telling your child to stay strong and stand up to a bully sounds questionable in this day and age, thanks to overly sensitive parenting. Telling your child to grow a pair and fight back sounds harsh, again, in this day and age. Telling your child to tell a higher authority that a bully is picking on them sounds like the right thing to do, in this day and age. And then, the child getting their ass kicked even worse by the bully for tattling sounds hilarious......to me. Fight back, yuh nub.

Sadly, even bullies are overly-sensitized in this day and age. They can't take a loss without calling their mother, or worse, seeking revenge - usually leading to the pathetic 3-to-5-on-1 situation that leaves the kid standing up for his/herself clinging to life in an emergency room.


No winners; only losers. Pregnant couples piss me off because in this day and age, it's easier for them to quit being parents. As long as they get that government money, as long as their child possesses an government-certified disability, let it rain, and keep pounding out more useless lives.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

100 Bloody Acres - Quick Hits Review

Directed and Written by:  Cameron Cairnes & Colin Cairnes

Reg and Lindsay Morgan own a prosperous fertilizer business. A fateful meeting with three stranded music festival attendees due to Reg’s youthful nature, and the romantic ignorance it comes with, lead the young group to discover what makes the Morgan Brothers’ fertilizer richly potent. Soon, Reg and older brother Lindsay, and his malicious browbeating attitude, take the trio captive.  What was supposed to be a normal day becomes a startling, comical struggle for survival and continuance of trust, because Reg and Lindsay aren’t the only ones with secrets. 

Once again, Australia offers the horror/thriller genre a charming piece of explicit violence surrounding great characterization. 100 Bloody Acres starts unevenly but once the characters reach the fertilizing plant, the movie kicks in to full gear. Damon Merriman and Angus Sampson are great opposites in a morbid reversal of the Lennie and George dynamic from Of Mice and Men. Angus Sampson is wonderful as the polarizing older, much larger, Morgan brother Lindsay, while Damon Merriman tries to keep the peace as the timid, tinier Reg. 

There’s plenty of violence to keep horror fans satisfied and tons of humor with an Australian accent balanced nicely in between the gore and well-written and finely acted character progression. 

Along with the trailer for the Cairnes Brothers' 100 Bloody Acres, I'm also including a link to their 2009 short film   Celestial Avenue (2009).




Thursday, May 15, 2014

Memories

I'm not interested in memories. That's why I don't care for taking pictures. I love photographs as an art, but as a comforting tool; no thanks, I have a brain. I live, I learn, I move on. Keep up or get run over. 

I love how everyone under thirty bails as soon as they read statements like these. Further proof - Pussies. "I need my i-this, I need my cellphone. I need my app to track my caloric intake."

You need a fist in the twat, because you sure as hell have no balls. I know wonderful, intelligent women with more balls than you. I'd gladly fuck the shit out of them any day, because their "balls," their "determination" are astounding. 

The only memories I need are from the story I'm editing, and even then I'm creating new memories from old memories and making them relevant and irrelevant at the same time.

Deal with it. 

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Blood Glacier - Quick Hits Review




 Directed by Marven Kren (Rammbock: Berlin Undead)

Written by Benjamin Hessler (Rammbock: Berlin Undead)

An investigative science team has been sent into the Austrian Alps to analyze a liquid that has been mutating the local wildlife. 

The team behind Rammbock reunites to deliver a pleasant creature feature in Blood Glacier. At first glance, it’s easily to harken back to John Carpenter’s The Thing, and that’s not so bad. The story is eco-driven with some good character development where one might not expect. The combination of practical effects with computerized ones blends nicely with the CGI never overstaying its welcome, letting the magic makers do their best hand-made conjuring. The alps play an integral role in the film, becoming a character unto itself, adding greatly to the suspense and tension of a desolate situation. 

With a great combination of good special effects (nice creature creations) and some solid storytelling, Blood Glacier doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but it does keep a steady, uplifting course in horror, and is a welcomed addition to a monster movie night. 


Thursday, May 08, 2014

Texas Frightmare 2014 - The DRRRTY Tour Edition

The road to Texas Frightmare was a typical sleepless one. It has gone far beyond tradition to either stay awake or embrace the celebratory nectar the night before a DRRRTY Road Tour. Seeing as how our numbers were down to a pair instead of the usual trio or quartet, it was best that since I chose to drove, I stayed away from Satan’s sweet nectar. However, I hoped to catch some type of sleep while our midnight departure loomed in the far horizon of the witching hour.

Destiny was either with us or fate conspired against us. This year’s Frightmare poised to be the most epic one yet with a lineup of horror’s finest set to attend – from artist Ben Templesmith to jack of all trades Tom Savini; from the Soska Sisters (directors of American Mary and the upcoming See No Evil 2) to the godfather of gore himself George Romero.   I was looking forward to seeing Michael Biehn and Doug Bradley (personal favorites) while the shaved ape attending with me, my buddy John, was looking forward most to George Romero. Both of us were just glad to be attending.

A positive premonition preceded us when we found out the hotel we booked was on John Carpenter highway. Nuff said. With each passing day, my anticipation level increased, which is rare. I’m usually calm until actually on the road and I know the trip is indeed happening right before our very eyes, and then my excitement presents itself. Sure enough, fate drilled me in the lower intestine - something I had consumed earlier in the day disagreed with my stomach, and I was splashing to the soggy bottom river dance all day long. I even had to cut my workout short because I feared soiling my warm ups. One wrong twist, one reflexive squat, I would’ve been dripping gravy in front of people that I don’t care to associate with but would have to face another day. 

Back at home, hoping to slumber turned into sleepless annoyance. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep, so I chose to vegetate using the most mind-numbing tool known to man – television.
As luck would have it, one last trip to banish the viral demons from my bowels proved to be the necessary solution. I was finally free of the splashy demons. 

Fast forward to half past midnight – we are finally on the road. I drove the entire way powered by infrequent conversation with both John and the voices, plus the occasional argument with talk radio. My partial album collection I’d uploaded to a pin drive provided our soundtrack.   

We arrived in Dallas safely and in near-record-time shortly before nine a.m. and located our primary destinations, the Aloft hotel and the DFW Airport hotel (the location for the convention), also the nearest liquor store(s). Check-in time at the hotel wasn’t until three p.m., but with the two of us being two of the most languid personas with a love for exploring, and being in a town we rarely visit (Dallas), it became a routine venture of ours that went from “We have all the time in the world,” to “Shit! We need to hurry up and check in to the hotel!” 

Eventually, we arrived at 


Day 1 
Working on the fly, this became our primary business day - get the pictures and autographs we wanted. We obtained our passes and programs, then, shuffled through the crowd. Surrounded by fans in cosplay, and some whom neither John nor I could differentiate from in costume our out of clean laundr – all brilliantly decorated, we our first stop was the Made in Texas room. Admittedly, for a short time I was impounded in awe of the celebrities suddenly around us, but reminding myself these people are human beings cooled my senses. I’ve met several music artists that I greatly admire. This was different. You are meant to mingle with the celebrities at a convention; the others have been by blind luck but just as thrilling. 

Instantly, I spotted Michael Beihn and Linda Hamilton who would be partaking in the Terminator reunion along with Robert Patrick. The Soska sisters were incredibly social, friendly, and very chatty with all of the folks in their line. John got an autographed photo and a personal  one from them. 
John and the Soska sisters

In the Enterprise Room, we both had the pleasure of taking pictures with Tom Savini whom John and I couldn’t believe wasn’t busier. The man is a living legend in the horror business, plus, he was stationed parallel to George Romero. The way they mingled, it was just two friends hanging out.  Savini was quite nice. Doug Bradley was equally nice and extremely eccentric during our brief encounter. He was pure business, didn’t care for chit chat, although he could tell I was sincere in my appreciation of his work. The gem of the night was George Romero. Incredibly friendly and seemed stunned, perhaps quietly overjoyed when explained my admiration for his film Knightriders. People need to learn more of Romero’s non-zombie catalogue. He was a great filmmaker, not just a great horror director.
 
Overwhelmed by the whole experience, I wasn't overly social and felt like I missed opportunities to connect with like-minded people and future networking contacts. There was a serendipitous moment when a woman handed me a business card promoting a horror book publishing company Post Mortem Press. I was fortunate enough to find the majority of the authors intoxicated and devilishly humorous.  I picked up The Barn by Jason Downed, Toxicity by Max Booth III (whom I had a great talk with about character creation), and Camp Arcanum by Josef Matulich.
Full Moon Entertainment had a booth. They were responsible for a large quantity of horror movies I have seen throughout my life, particularly during my adolescence, from Susbspecies to Meridian (a personal favorite) to the Puppet Master series.  It was great experiencing CEO Charles Band’s magic. He knows how to captivate an audience and aided in pioneering the looks and production of horror films. Full Moon now looks to pioneer home entertainment. Mr. Band stated that Full Moon will no longer be making DVDs as it is a waste of money. Instead, they will now offer a streaming service for a monthly fee which will allow you access to their entire movie catalogue – over thirty years’ worth of material – as well as their new movies, free merchandise, and other web based, interactive contributions.  John and I encountered Charles Band after hours at the hotel bar. We shook hands and I made sure to thank him for everything Full Moon has done for the horror industry. 

Then, came the low point of the night; we stayed for the midnight screening of Ben Ketai’s Beneath. Unfortunately, our idled exhaustion finally caught up with us – that compounded with, unfortunately, a lackluster story led us to nod off minimally during the film. It wasn’t a terrible film, just uninteresting; great acting, really good cinematography, but a story that couldn’t hold our attention (and John and I have sat through some boring movies). I don’t doubt, however, that this movie will find an audience that will enjoy it. There’s enough suspense to please a movie enthusiast.
 
                                                                       Day2


Bill Mosley & myself
We showed up later than we had hoped, but fully recharged. We had a good time, I took a picture with Bill Moseley, even chatted with him for a bit about the modern state of killers in horror films; discussing how more actors are restraining instead of cutting loose, using the less-is-more technique, and as Mr. Moseley put it, “some of these new horror movies really suck.”  

We found another horror journalist, Travis Brown from HorrorMoviesUncut.com and drank his kool-aid as we heavily agreed with, frankly, all of his views on horror movies, how to watch them, what to take from them, and what other movie critics forget about their audience - they forget that everyone is different – just because they are not partial to a certain film doesn’t mean you should not recommend it for other people. Also, he discussed an issue I’ve had a strong voice on - about how fans are part of the problem. I don’t mean just in movies, but every form of entertainment (movies to sports and beyond). Hollywood and horror keep churning out remakes and ghost stories  and these spoofs because people keep paying money to see them, and when a horror fan recommends a quality film, the inquisitor has no interest because it doesn’t star anyone familiar or it is the early work of someone that is currently popular. 

It was refreshing to meet people similar and superior to our thought mode. 

Lastly on evening 2, we attended an encore screening of Bill “Bloody Bill” Pon’s first full-length feature Circus of the Dead, a low budget film about murderous clowns hiding in a travelling circus using the Mexican game Chalupa as a platform for singling out victims for nefarious deeds. It was filmed entirely in Odessa, Texas on a pithy $150,000 budget.  Circus of the Dead was well worth standing throughout the entire movie. All the seats were taken. We chose to see what the movie had to offer; it was so good we stayed standing through the whole thing. Look for Bill Oberst Jr. to gain some momentum from his role as the gang leader Papa Corn. His dementia is cold, blunt, and brutal. You can also catch Bill Oberst Jr. in the anthology Scary or Die without the makeup.  The entire film had a classic grindhouse cinema look and energy about it; definitely entertaining. 

 
 
Also, be sure to watch Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon’s original short film Doll Boy, which is the cinematic beginning of what would eventually become Circus of the Dead


  Day 3

The last day was the shortest but probably the most illuminating. We circled the vendors and actors one last time awaiting our real venture, the panels. Among the bevy of panels and screenings that entire weekend, we sat in on two that Sunday. The first centered on Ogre of Skinny Puppy and Repo, the Genetic Opera fame. He discussed the rise in popularity of Repo, how it’s gained cult-like status and continues finding new audiences, and how it actually aided Skinny Puppy in finding new audiences as well with more Repo fans showing up to Skinny Puppy concerts. He also discussed different moments in his music career that affected his life and his maturity as a human being on his road to sobriety. It was heartfelt and Ogre came off as a humble, happy individual who was a t peace with his world. He was fan-friendly and provided great insight into his life. As a long-time Skinny Puppy fan, this was an exciting experience.


Killer's Korner (left to right): Dee Snider, Tom Morga, Nick King, Bill Mosley, and Tom Savini

The final event was Dee Snider's Killer's Korner, hosted by Dee Snider from Twisted Sister who wrote and starred in Strangeland and is a man who loves horror. The panel discussed movie killers and their methods; it involved Tom Morga, Bill Mosley, Tom Savini, and Nicholas King.  Tom Morga provided a unique perspective since he is a stuntman who stands in for the actors portraying the killers and victims.  His most well-known contributions are as Michael and Jason in Halloween 4 and Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, respectively.  Bill Mosley brought the maniacs viewpoint as he is one who has killed and been killed many times. Tom Savini probably offered the best perspective as he has done everything there is to do on a movie set in front and behind the camera. Nicholas King filled a seat.
Subjects ranged from what is their favorite weapon to kill with to how they themselves would prefer to be killed, how the size of a budget effects the movie’s production, and how precise the choreography and effects must be – typically, there is no room for improvisation.  

Mosley & Savini
Some of the funnier moments included Bill Mosley talking about Tobe Hooper making him do thirteen takes on a single kill scene in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986). “I asked Tobe, ‘Am I doin’ somethin’ wrong, Tobe?’ He said ‘No, I’m just havin’ so much fun watchin’ you do it.’”
 
Tom Savini shared the mind bending awkwardness of using a shotgun to blow the head off of a replicated dummy version of himself. 
 
Dee Snider was his loud, unapologetic rock star self, providing his own tales of film making and love for the horror genre while offering great news that he finally won back the rights to Strangeland and is writing the script for the sequel currently titled Strangeland: Disciple. He was an excellent moderator and it was great to see him healthy and as maniacal as ever (being a long-time fan of his music as well). 
I had an amazing time at Texas Frightmare Weekend. John got some great pictures, I got some great pictures with John’s camera while he was asleep – wink, wink. Our plans are already in the making to attend next year. We met some nice people, I wished we’d been more social, but being our first time, I think we did alright. We would like to reach out more to other fans and hear their opinions and stories; hopefully meet more contacts for movie news and screenings as John and I come from Parts Unknown, Texas, where we have no access to these kinds of resources other than social media.

We’d like to thank all the stars for being incredibly friendly; thank you to everyone we met, everyone that sold us liquor, and the Aloft hotel for being ridiculously comfortable; the cow skin on the wall sold the room.  Until next year.....