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 It took me several hours before noticing there was a note left on the front door. Ladies - wrong place to leave any message if you intend a man to find it. The two places you leave messages are either – 1) On the refrigerator or 2) On a sticky note plastered to the man’s forehead reinforced by rounds of tape. Men only comprehend the significance of any situation through food or pain. If there is a meeting in the morning and food is being provided, that is a meeting requiring you to be there fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. If there isn’t going to be catering, it won’t hurt to be a minute or two late because of the long line at the taco truck.

There could be a wallpaper-sized note stuck to the bathroom mirror, a man will not notice. Our brains convert to autopilot, focusing on only basic motor skills. We take newspapers in saying we’re going to read them; truth is we take them in just in case we miss the toilet completely. Sometimes we don’t even bother turning the light on when we go in there, we just unleash until we hear splashes.