Nancy Drew (2007) - Yeah, I Saw It

Nancy Drew is a natural born sleuth. Unfortunately, her father wishes it was the last thing on her mind and that fitting in despite her affinity for the old fashioned was the foremost. When she accompanies her lawyer father on a business trip to Los Angeles, Nancy promises not to sleuth, but soon she finds herself surrounded by a murder mystery that she can’t help but get involved in, which may become a decision she will regret.

I caught this movie on a whim and before I knew it, I was hooked. My admiration for classic film helped reel me in as Nancy is on the case of a murdered fictitious starlet, but the movie had that classic feel to it blended seamlessly into the modern era, precisely like the Nancy Drew character, which Emma Roberts adapts splendidly to the big screen. Josh Flitter plays her younger tag-along sidekick Corky who provides the comedy relief. He definitely has screen presence and is stuck doing straight-to-dvd Disney crap right now, but has the chance to break out in the future. Meanwhile, this movie also features a bevy of cameos and side roles by some well known actors such as Barry Bostwick, the incredibly versatile and reliable Pat Carrol, and even the man himself – Bruce Willis. Ah. Yeah. OH, and the timelessly beautiful Rachel Leigh Cook; loverly, so lovely.

This was a movie I would most likely have never considered watching, I am vaguely acquainted with the Nancy Drew franchise, but perfect timing and that rare window of spare time led to some pleasurable viewing. There’s enough material to please a variety of ages young and less young, and there’s nothing better than a good mystery.

Dying God (2008) - Yeah, I Saw It

Being a corrupt cop in Buenos Aires has suited the vices of Detective Sean Fallon nicely. However, there is a serial killer on the loose savagely, inhumanely murdering women, mostly prostitutes; and Detective Fallon’s underbelly business associates are not handling their loss of merchandise too kindly, but the more information Detective Fallon obtains about the murderer the more it seems that there is nothing human about the killer at all.  

The estimated budget for Dying God rounded out to five-hundred thousand dollars, and I think it’s safe to say not all of the money went into the production; maybe some went up the nose and down the gullets of the production. Long-time producer Fabrice Lambot takes on Dying God as his first full-length feature after directing a couple of short films and pulls off a near miracle, particularly since there were four different screenwriters and two story creators. However, Lambot had his hand in both of those as well.

At first sight you’d think you were watching low scale amateur porn, and for the first twenty minutes you’d be right, but once the violence kicks in it was all guts and sleaze – everything I wanted. The story was actually interesting. The acting is terrible; Lance Henriksen easily outshines everyone with his performance, but the overall experience was worthwhile. James Horan performs terribly as Detective Fallon, but I actually grew to like the guy, bad delivery and all. At least he offered authentic personality.

There are absolutely zero computer graphics in this movie. All of the makeup, the costumes, and the gore are homemade and work perfectly. The action scenes are gruesome to watch, including some head explosions, abdominal eviscerations, and all out rape by a giant monster’s giant monstrous cock.

Anyone who takes cinema as a whole or horror far too seriously will most likely shun Dying God at first glance or within viewing the first five minutes. Personally, I was thrilled with it; I almost loved it, but it needed just a tad more violence for me to do that and a better climax, but it was a good story for what was offered, and it was refreshing to see hands-on effects in a creature feature, and the sleaze..ooooh the sleaze.  I would gladly watch Dying God again, and since Hollyweird is so hell bent on remaking everything within the first ten days of release, why not remake this one, just be sure to recast Lance Henriksen as the lady-friendly, take-no-shit pimp. He was awesome….naturally.

Exit Humanity (2011) - Yeah, I Saw It

The Civil War has ended - Edward Young (Mark Gibson) has returned home to find his wife murdered and his son missing. While Edward struggles to cope with his situation, the dead have risen to walk the earth and feed on flesh. Now, Edward’s struggle to maintain any sanity is compounded from the fear that his son might be one of these creatures and from being pursued by rogue Confederacy soldiers led by the insane General Williams (Bill Moseley).

The excitement for new zombie movies reached its apex several years ago, but they continue to thrive because they are easy to make, which is one reason why horror films have thrived as a genre. Exit Humanity is a rare dollar in a lake of dimes. The zombies are practically part of the background because the real focus is on Edward Young’s faltering morality and at times a crumbling will, but his perseverance feels like a small triumph. Director/Writer John Geddes (Scarce) does a wonderful job of balancing the bloodshed with the drama and making sense out of the senseless. The calm cinematography and effective use of the landscape elevated a good experience. The animated segues filling in for the long miles travelled by Edward Young were a great surprise and helps show that Geddes puts quality thought into his films; well, this one at least. Mark Gibson turns in a strong performance as the tortured Edward and Bill Moseley shines in his sick ways yet again as the twisted General Williams. Plus, the voice-overs by Brian Cox are cool because it’s frickin’ Brian Cox.

It might be a shame to call Exit Humanity a Zombie Western, because it isn’t. Neither is it a Jeremiah Johnson vs. Zombies, but Jeremiah Johnson was a damn good movie and so is Exit Humanity. In the whirlwind of zombie flicks being produced nearly monthly it seems, this one stands high and tall above most of the ones I have seen in recent years and could potentially hold its own against some of the legendary heavyweights like George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead and Lucio Fulci’s Zombie, but only time will tell. I highly recommend John Geddes’ Exit Humanity. It’s much more than a horror movie and all of it is good.

The Penitent Man - Yeah, I Saw It

Dr. Jason Pyatt is quickly approaching a moral crossroads. His wife Evelyn is pregnant, his psychology practice is failing, and the bills are piling up. Broken from his family, aside from Evelyn, his only support resides with his good friend Ovid until one afternoon, a familiar client Mr. Darnell returns to Dr. Pratt’s office, requesting a session, during which Mr. Darnell (Lance Henriksen) reveals that he is from the future; a very dark, ethically corrupt and socially disoriented future, and Dr. Pratt (Lathrop Walker) has the ability to help change everything.

The Penitent Man is a small, quiet drama. It’s an independent effort from director/writer Nicholas Gyeney also responsible for The Falling (2006) and an upcoming film called Matt’s Chance due in 2013. It is character driven with large amounts of dialogue. In fact, a large portion of the film revolves around the conversation between Mr. Darnell and Dr. Pratt; yet, I found the movie to have a steady, easy-flowing pace. The performances from everyone were good enough, despite the flat delivery from Lathrop Walker, which actually works in his favor because it makes the authenticity of everything happening seem real just the way the script wasn’t the most original or inspiring. The conversation between Darnell and Pratt felt like two people who wanted to sound intelligent instead of actually being intelligent. I’m not taking a shot at Lance Henrksen’s or Lathrop Walker’s intelligence, please don’t think that but in context it worked in the film’s favor because who talks that way? Real people talk that way.

The Penitent Man feels like a movie that people will either like or disregard as being dull. The cast is comprised of only a handful of people, a lot of dialogue heavy on philosophy and ideology. It’s worth the risk.

Stevie (2008) - Yeah, I Saw It

Adrian and Claire have succumbed to the fact that in order to have a child, their only choice is to adopt. When 8-year-old Isabel arrives, unusual events begin to occur which Isabel blames her imaginary friend Stevie.

I could go on, but the point would be mute. Stevie is a made-for-TV movie from Spain sent to our country to bore us all. Stevie delivers every cliché in the ghost story handbook, from writing on steamed mirrors to rearranging the magnets on the refrigerator and absolutely no frights of any kind. It would fit perfectly on the Lifetime Movie Network in between their fine hit movies such as Two Houses without a Uterus and Penis, Tool of Satan.

It stars veteran actress Catherine McCormak as distressed Claire; I’m sure you’ve seen her in something, and Jordi Molla as the optimistic mama’s boy Adrian. You’ll remember Jordi as a drug kingpin from some flick because that’s the only other role he can ever seem to earn. Ida Jorgensen plays the wayward Isabel and a robot programmed to be a drunken transvestite could have probably displayed more emotion. Director Bryan Goerse applies a paint-by-numbers method following the pain-by-numbers script from writer David Markus. Thankfully, there’s only one person to blame for this boring, uninspired material. Usually, in America there are three or four screenwriters that make an abominable wretch of a script for one movie.

HIdden (2011) - Yeah, I Saw It

Brian Carter has inherited his estranged mother’s rehabilitation center. Unwilling to visit the sanctuary, several other friends convince him to go there. Finding out that the treatment facility was a former monastery, Brian also discovers that his mother had successfully created a drug induced cure for addiction, but while exploring the halls and rooms a sinister force begins hunting and killing Brian and his friends.

Hidden was filmed with intentions of the audience enjoying a 3D experience. I’m sure director Antoine Thomas also filmed it with intentions of the audience enjoying a movie.

Kinda fell short on .....everything.

Watching the movie in regular 2D, the atmosphere, the visuals all appeared to be influenced by late night gaming on the XBOXs and Playstations.  The 3D visuals and computer graphics were a distraction instead of an enhancement. The story was flaccid and full of holes with no help from the actors to make it better. How a centuries old, unseen sub-layer has outlets in the wall and florescent lighting is beyond me. And the movie drags; not that it’s slow, but that was the only way these menacing supernatural entities could kill anyone - drag them for ten feet and kill them off screen. No blood, no gore, no characters to give two tugs about.

Hidden was a big disappointment. It had great elements that could have made for a unique tale, but the crew just couldn’t pull it off.  

Bloody Courtesy

In business, in labor and service, there is implied courtesy – when someone goes above and beyond their expectations to ensure a positive experience. However, implied courtesy, when practiced and experienced enough becomes expected courtesy by the recipient. We have become a society of expected courtesy; a belief of instant entitlement. Our food should be fresh and hot seconds after we order it, instead of appreciating the culinary technique of the person preparing the meal. Students don’t feel or see the need to study; they should be allowed to pass to the next grade level just for showing up and putting a warm body in a chair. Answers to any of life’s questions are available at the push of a button at home and in our pockets, which is ironic because these tools – the cell phones and computers – those which were designed to communicate globally are the very same tools we use to ignore one another when we are at the same table, and expected courtesy has forced common courtesy into oblivion.

Hard work used to bring people together, uniting them for great purposes, whether it was cooking a meal, erecting a building, or scientific breakthroughs. Great things unified us, but now the only thing that seems to bond people is the aftermath of violence. The only reason anyone seems to remember to be kind to one another is because a large amount of people have died through nefarious acts.

Why does it take a bloodbath to remind us that it’s okay to be kind?

I wish I could say that as a whole there’s light at the end of this cold, selfish tunnel, but there isn’t, and I’m glad to be ignored these days.

 As individuals we can only control what is within our personal circle despite what the stagnant, robotic voice of our smart phone tells us, and for every person we perform an unselfish act for there will be five that will try to take advantage of that nicety. Courtesy is a double-edged sword. It’s up to the individual showing kindness to decide what they’re willing to do and what they’re willing to tolerate from those that would turn the act of a kind heart into bastard charity, but a public massacre shouldn’t be the reason that reminds us to be polite and respectful. It starts with good upbringing which in turn leads to common sense and hopefully, within your own circle, common courtesy.