The State of Aggression Address - Instant Winners

There is only so much kindness I can feign before the stupidity around me sends me into a self-induced stress coma, but I do feel that it is about time for my State of Aggression Address.

I make no secret about my disgust for politics. I don’t need anyone to tell me that the hundreds of voting festivals that would be better served for bukaki bazaars – oh, wait, that’s exactly what voting is – rather, voting booths would be best served as portable bathroom units for the terminally defecate, people that literally shit themselves to death that way before they die, they know their final flatulent moments are spent speaking the minds of millions of Americans across the nation and many more millions of voters across the world.

No one needs to tell me the types of political gophers (there are no leaders anymore) we are going to have, locally or nationally. All anyone has to do is learn what type of majority turn out to vote – the blissfully ignorant. The same people who believe that anyone that campaigned in their city, debated on their television, and skull-fucked a Muslim orphan calling it War on Terror, an amendment to the Patriot Act, or a Catholic brunch believes that these power mad bureaucrats with butt plugs and fetish balls stuffed in the same places they keep their morals have any intent of bettering our society for all races and social stratums.

While the rich benefit from voter turnout, the mythical middle class are the ones that vote for better social standards and thanks to votes by the rich and the destitute who think the rich have any of their best interests in mind, the mythical middle class are the ones who get ass-raped by government workers wearing strap-on dildos laced with broken glass with all of our blood being fed to support the rich so they can continue running welfare scams to support the destitute, because THAT is what the majority voted.

Other people that deserve what they get - overly proud parents with access to social media. I have no children, and the more I see of these people living nauseatingly vicariously through their kids I am thankful to Sweet Zombie Jesus that I am childless. If you are a proud parent, great, but do I really need to know what you’re little dumpling scored on their alphabet test – no – I just need to know they’re not going to try and mug me at some point in the future with an infected syringe demanding me to piss in their eyes because the crystal meth they’re tweaking on left them without any sensation in their faces, or that their cute ragamuffin has grown a liking to choking small animals and disemboweling them with pizza slicer and using their husk as a crotch cozy that talks to them about career options. I applaud you for being a responsible parent, we need more like you, but nobody gives a fuck about your kids.

On the other extreme are these haughty, insecure wastes of sperm that report to all eight-hundred of their cyber-friends (793 of whom they’ve never met) that they are bored. “Dear Facebook, I’m bored.” You’re bored, and you have the gall to believe that any of us give a flick of pubic hair that you are bored. Kill yourself. None of us will be bored any more and you will have obtained ultimate purpose – entertaining others.

You’re bored. So, instead of going out to find enlightenment of some kind, whether reading a book or, hey, maybe looking up the answer to a question you’ve had in your head on the most powerfully informative device ever created – the internet – you choose to use this technological marvel to inform the functioning population of the world that you are bored. How about a game of Cuban Roulette? Six chambers, six bullets – instant winners.

Also, people that call in to work three times a week, and then complain on payday about their check being so low – instant winners.

When I was young and told my mother I was bored, she beat the shit out of me. “Why are you crying, you’re not bored anymore are you?!” Then she’d give me whatever object she was beating me with and say, “Here, go learn about this and how many different ways to use it. You already have a head start. You know it’s used to beat stupid bored bastards.”

The one social nitch that I am tired of killing themselves, believe it or not I can display some emotional discipline, are these young kids being bullied. It saddens me. They'll never comprehend what it is to see the most beautiful sunset of their life. They'll never understand unconditional love, like their parents have for them, but at the same time - LEARN TO THROW A FUCKING PUNCH. That might help your bully issue. Kids are so afraid of getting their butts kicked these days unless it's behind a computer program. Gouge an eye, wait until the bullying bastard has turned around and bash their brain in with a brick - have some damn pride, stand up for yourself. Parents, what the hell? That's partially why kids don't want to fight back, parents don't hit their kids anymore. You grow up on a healthy dose of discipline by the hand and mind, a bully's assault has got nothing on mom's backhand.

The future is going to be ugly. We, the human race, are ensuring an ugly scenario every day, but in order to heal first we must bleed. I don’t expect any radical changes any time soon. The world is not going to end, there will be some massive tectonic shifts in continents causing millions of deaths, but that’s just Mother Nature doing what comes naturally. Earth was here before we were and will be here long after our sad, biological presence has long disappeared into the oceans from whence it came, only for the whole damn thing to start all over again.

History repeats itself; we’re all just too stupid to learn from it. If I have offended you, you probably deserved it. We owe it to ourselves and these wonderful things called minds to be creative and not just in new ways to destroy things, but to make things better. Everyday, we can make just one particle of our life better.