The spirit of Halloween has settled in at Mission University. It is a few days before the annual Halloween dance and Jim (Stephen Colletti; One Tree Hill) has fallen for one of the more popular girls on campus. Unfortunately, she’s already involved with someone but doesn’t mind using Jim for small favors, such as helping to decorate for the upcoming dance. Meanwhile, Jim’s two closest friends – his roommate Kyle (Jonathan ‘Lil J’ McDaniel), who’s nickname is Dixie, and Ginger (Masiela Lusha; The George Lopez Show) keep trying to set his head straight and focus on just having fun and passing his classes.
While searching for pointless buys on E-bay, Jim comes across a mysterious box for sale that supposedly contains a ghost that grants wishes for its owner. Jim decides to purchase the box, but after being outbid by another potential buyer he asks Dixie and Ginger for a loan which enables Jim to become the top bidder, although now, technically, all three friends are owners of the box. Once the ox arrives, the darkest desires of the three friends begin taking a toll on the students and faculty at Mission University as the body count begins and will not stop climbing until Jim figures out how to undo what he has unleashed upon the university.
Kill Katie Malone is directed by Carlos Ramos Jr.from a script by him and Mark Onspaugh (writer – Flight of the Living Dead). Both of these men have spent the majority of their careers working on television shows with less than a handful of movies under either of their belts and it really shows throughout the movie. Watching this movie feels like a throwback to the early nineties when David E. Kelly was the hot commodity in Hollywood and the Scream franchise and all of its putrid spawn such as I Know What You Did Last Summer and Teaching Mrs. Tingle were being turned out like fury babies at a rabbit orgy, but at least they had the decency to be rated R, leaving behind bloody messes. Kill Katie Malone has no gore and only a few hints of blood, which I would not mind at all. I generally prefer a good story over pointless bloodletting, but if the story drags and has no sizzle at all, like this one does, then I say bring on the visceral debauchery. There are no scares. The scenes that are supposed to be frightening substitute noise for suspense. There is absolutely zero character buildup. If we were supposed to care about any of these characters, someone forgot to let me know. Non-spoiler spoiler: The climax adds extra lame sauce to the cinematic dish.
The acting is about what you’d expect from a TV cast, sometimes wooden but not completely terrible. The shining light in this whole movie, and I say this strictly as a single male who likes looking at women, is Masiela Lusha in grown figure glory. Her hair is dyed blonde but there is no mistaking those adorable cheeks of hers and those puppy dog eyes. She still has the girl-next-door look but thankfully now she’s all grown up and we get to see just how grown up she is, albeit in a tasteful manner which I respect very much. In reality she is a beautiful young woman of high intelligence, definitely a superior intelligence to the majority of males. It’s a shame she dyed her hair blonde, though, but we do get to see her in a bra to which I say “hooray.”
Kill Katie Malone offers no payoffs whatsoever unless you’re a sexually frustrated - I mean sexual enthusiasm foaming from your ears kind of horny – sad little man. It is background noise at best, and even then you’re better off with music than this movie.
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