I'm tired of movie reviewers suggesting that people "shut their brains off" when they watch a certain film if they want to enjoy it. What kind of cop-out is that? Just say it - The movie sucks! Because, gawd forbid I piss and shit all over myself while watching any overrated Shrek film because I had to "shut my brain off," in order to enjoy it. Then, all that makes me is the guy that peed and soiled his pants during the overrated Shrek film.
I could easily urinate and defecate myself while watching the Transformers movies, but that's only because they are so mind-numbingly stupid, they cause a glitch in your synaptic gap, ceasing control over your bodily functions, but I know exactly when to piss because sometimes I can't go in the bathroom, but all I have to do is think about Megan Fox - not because I want to have sex with her, I'd just like to piss on her - and Diablo Cody - and Ellen Page - and Stephanie Meyers. Again, please note: I do not want to have sex with these women. I just want to give'em a good ole frustration urination bath. And when I have trouble removing a hefty, bowel biscuit from my intestines, I just think of good old Shia and all the films he's helped turn to crap and everything he has not accomplished to become so successful.
Tell me to shut my brain off again; I'll gladly do it standing over your keyboard bludgeoned, unconscious, pathetic excuse for a writer's body while I think long and hard about those Transformers movies after I've eaten the entire left-side of Taco Bell's menu and spent three hours tossing back liquor with an Irish soccer team.
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