Feeling Lonely

I've been feeling lonely as of late. It's nothing that concerns me greatly, I always end up in these little funks now and again, and I always get out of them. It's just that I feel lonely surrounded by people I know, people that think they know me, but really have no clue as to who I am.

My friend, Louie wonders how I know little details about so many people, like where they hope to work in the future, what their current home situation is, little things like that.

"Are you dating them?" he'll ask.

I love the bufoon, but he's an ignorant SOB. I know these things because I actually LISTEN TO THEM. I gather the words expressed from their mouths and imprint them into my brain, analyzing, and making sense out of what they say.

I want to feel lonely around strangers, not strangers that are my friends.

I'm a large individual, and I easily intimidate people. I work out between five and six days a week. It's my ritual, the gym is my temple. I'm not Adonis, but I'm not the posterchild for gluttony either. Either way, I enter a room, and I am judged automatically, however, that can be a good thing since I could potentially whoop the asses of everyone in that room, and where I live, men are very self-conscious when it comes to proving how strong they are, though the only strength most of them have is in talking shit. But they leave me alone too. Good. I didn't spend three years training for and other people in mixed martial arts because I'm so centered and docile.

Everyone's married, everyone's pregnant; I'm the only one on the outside. Overall, I enjoy it that way, but now and again I get into those moods, like now, to where I woudln't mind a warm body next to me at night, with a personality that will keep me in check, and that I can have a decent conversation with, you know, one that doesn't reside around which celebrity is getting whatever organ trasnplant.

I'm sick of the personalities where I live. There are few shades of equality that I feel around here, and to be in touch with those is very difficult and sparse. The moment I think I've found someone to finally start something with, they go through some type of life-altering, midrange situation, and I'm back in the ocean without a flare.

Mountains, a cabin, and wolves. That's all I want to be around when I settle down. I'll give those close to me roadmaps, so they can find me, but still, they'll need to get past my wolves. My hungry, hungry wolves.