Don't Go in the Woods (2010) - Yeah, I Saw It

An indie band with a loyal local following has high hopes of scoring a major label record deal. In order to push their talent to the next level the group adheres to (Nick) their lead songwriter’s idea to sequester themselves in the woods with no connections or influences of the outside world allowed to interfere with their creative process. No cell phones, no drugs (alcohol or other), and no women. However, a surprise caravan made of female loyalists causes tension between Nick and everyone else, but they are resolved to bigger problems as people begin disappearing and the woods begins filling with music and dripping with blood.

I only knew three things about this movie going in:

1) It was directed by the brilliant, STILL underrated, but much more appreciated Vincent D’Onofrio; still best known from his performance as Private Lawrence from Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket, but gained wider notoriety during his stint on Law & Order: Criminal Intent as the genius, yet slightly unstable Detective Robert Goren. He’s also fondly remembered as Edgar from the first Men in Black film, the one who got possessed by the alien cockroach. Really, any role he’s in he owns it. Look up Vincent D’Onofrio’s movies and watch them; they’re not all great but he is always excellent.

2) The story centered on a band writing music. What kind of band? I didn’t know. The band could be classified as emo, which could turn some people off. It’s not my first choice to listen to but like any genre there are good bands and bad bands.

3) It was a slasher flick. Thank you, Zombie Jesus.

As I watched the movie, my eyes widened in no outlandish way upon discovering that this bare bones budgeted slasher film about a band in the woods is actually a musical. Not the type like Rock of Ages, which butchers rock classics by turning them into lackluster Broadway fodder, but the band’s music, which, if you’re a fan of the genre, is quite enjoyable; I myself liked the songs and I also liked that the music wasn’t limited to just the band members, even the women had their descanting moments. If you’re going to make a musical, go all out.

The acting was surprisingly decent. The cast was made up of locals, so the chemistry was comfortably authentic and reflective. D’Onofrio’s first-time directorship was a unique task to undertake but it seemed like he knew exactly what he wanted and he got it both in real-time shots and the music video portions. He kept it simple and it worked out well.

When it comes to a promise of bloodshed, I don’t care when it happens. You can spread it throughout the film or you can save it for the end, but if you’re going to save it for the end, I expect Hell to be unleashed on the victims. I will simply say I was satisfied with what was given, which is what I will also say for the movie as a whole. I was satisfied with what was presented.

This film version of Don’t Go in the Woods is not a remake of the 1984 camping slasher of the same name. Some fans, so-called fans, critics, and wannabe critics found themselves in a slight when they heard about a new version. They complained even more when they saw this new movie and discovered that it is a slasher musical. Quite frankly, they would have complained even if it wasn’t a musical because it would have been too practical and THEY would have expected more from someone with D’Onofrio’s cinematic experience. But, instead of actually trying to change the game they just complain about what other people do and how wrongly they do it because, again, it’s not what THEY would have done. THEY whine all the time about wanting something different or unique and it’s presented, THEY piss all over it because it’s not the different or unique that THEY wanted. Instead taking it for what it is, THEY trash it for what it is not. I took Dark Knight Rises for what was presented; a loud, flashy nonsensical piece of crap grounded so heavily in reality purposely by the first two films that it became a spoof of itself and wasted a great villain (kudos to Tom Hardy) by undermining him with lazy writing. I liked Vincent D’Onofrio’s Don’t Go in the Woods. It works as a fresh musical and an old school horror movie without trying to reinvent anything, just going with what works, having fun, and making the movie HE wanted to make. 

VILMAAAAAA!!

This morning, ESPN (ALL of ESPN - Sportscenter, Mike & Mike, ESPN News, etc.) reported that the NFL had offered New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma a reduction in his suspension if he dropped his defamation suit against the league. Now, the NFL is flat out denying that any such offer has been made.

Regardless, Vilma is a man that is regarded highly by other players, coaches, and staff throughout the NFL and by citizens throughout his community in Miami and Coral Gables in his home state of Florida as well as in New Orleans.

No one knows what a person is truly capable of once the doors on their social life and social media status closes. When you shut the doors to your home at night, no one knows what's going on. Maybe Jonathan Vilma is capable of these accusation. That doesn't mean that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell isn't responsible for hasty judgements and overstepping his boundaries. This rumor about a potential deal to reduce Vilma's suspension had to come from somewhere. It has an origin, it obviously found a loose, loud voice, but whatever happens, whether Vilma is offered a deal or not it is important for him to pursue this defamation lawsuit - win or lose - Vilma needs to stand up for himself and in turn stand up for his ill-branded teammates and coaches (especially Sean Payton who by far received the worst end of the deal) and show Commissioner Goodell that not everyone is going to bow down to his haunting supremacy.

The game is already a watered down version of the football most of these players enjoyed participating in growing up, but there it is inexcusable to make an honorable man a watered down version of himself in front of his peers when he has done no wrong, and if that happens to be the case with Jonathan Vilma, he deserves all the support he can get.

Get the Gringo (2012) - Yeah, I Saw It

Director: Adrian Grunberg 

Writers: Adrian Grunberg, Mel Gibson, Stacey Perskie

Fleeing from the police, career criminal Jack Sanders makes way for the Mexican border, crash-landing himself into a Mexican prison dubbed “El Pueblito,” which is actually a prison village where families are allowed to live with their convicted relatives, but just like any prison there is a hierarchy that infests the system, and with the help of a ten-year old boy, Jack may not just survive the system, he might find his way out and retrieve the money that he stole in the first place.

Bottom line – this is Payback in a Mexican prison. Once again, there are no good guys, only bad people and innocent bystanders. The back story of Mel Gibson’s character is practically the same as Porter’s; the sly street skills are nearly identical. The only real difference is Jack’s personality. Jack Sanders hosts a livelier attitude as opposed to Porter’s cold disposition. Mel Gibson does another fine job making a character his own. The real standout is young Kevin Hernandez who plays Kid – Jack’s ten-year old, chain-smoking, foul mouthed, guiding light inside El Pueblito. His rage coupled with his love for his mother and rapid maturity is critical to the character and Kevin pulls it off effortlessly.

Backstabbers, killers, and greedy thugs make Get the Gringo a very familiar movie but a fun movie; it’s definitely a Mel Gibson film. He co-wrote it, produced it, and hired his assistant director from Apocalypto Adrian Grunberg to lead direct this movie, which is his first. The violence isn’t overdone but it is effective. El Pueblito is a character itself and it’s interesting to explore this peculiar pocket universe which the concept is slightly reminiscent of the drive-in from the 80’s Australian film Dead End Drive-In. If you’re one to hold a grudge and boycott Mel Gibson’s movies for his derogatory comments and actions that’s fine, don’t watch it, but if you’re one who just wants to enjoy a movie and escape from reality for an hour and a half, Get the Gringo is well worth your time.

Dead Season (2012) - Yeah, I Saw It.

A viral outbreak has sent the world plummeting into chaos and triggered the uprising of “walkers;” yet another version of our fan favorite flesh-eating zombies. Two survivors, calling themselves Elvis and Tweeter, sail off into the ocean, winding up on a remote island where they encounter a survivalist community run in near-military fashion by over zealous human patriot Kurt Conrad. The food supply is scarce as the island was once used for nuclear weapons testing; any natural food is automatically poisoned, so to maintain adequate supplies, Kurt only allows survivors capable of contributing significantly to the community to stay with them. No one really knows what happens to those that don’t qualify except Kurt.

What sold me on Dead Season was the island atmosphere. It harkened back to Lucio Fulci’s genre-defining Zombie series which is forever a fun watch. There is good character development between Elvis and Tweeter – they’re not always on the same page but reality forces them to work together, which also applies to their relationship with Kurt and his followers; however moments that could have been used to build some blood curdling tension seem wasted and we’re thrust right into the frenzy instead of beaten and dragged into it, but the movie does provide some nice action sequences. The acting is standard. The minimalist zombie makeup also brings back memories of Fulci’s series with their smooth faces and mixing slow stalking, rotting flesh walkers with fast paced, running, jumping predators.

Some reviews for Dead Season have touted it as being a new take on the zombie genre. There’s nothing new about it. Just because the zombies are the subplot and the turmoil in the community is the main story doesn’t make Dead Season any more new and fresh than the other 75 zombie movies that came out last week. It could easily be a spinoff of The Walking Dead. Dead Season is mildly entertaining; not as thought-provoking as other folks might have you believe, but time did not feel wasted watching it.