Hands of the Ripper - Movie Review

As a young girl, Anna bore the misfortune of witnessing her mother’s murder. The murderer was being chased across the city of London by the citizens because this man was responsible for donning a cloak of terror across the city with his sadistic killings of prostitutes. Anna’s father was Jack the Ripper. In a confused, frightful state the Ripper didn’t know where else to go, so he went home and before the public could find him he killed his wife.



It has now been over ten years since that insidious evening. Anna is now working as an assistant to a fraudulent medium who also sells Anna for the evening to lonely gentleman. The evening after one fortuitous session, one of the skeptical attendees, psychologist Dr. John Pritchard, shows sympathy for Anna and agrees to take her in to live at his estate. He decrees that he hopes to aid Anna using the newest theories of an admirable psychologist – Dr. Sigmund Freud - on Anna in regards to childhood experiences’ effects on the behavior of adults. Of course, what none of these people know is that Anna’s childhood was much further from the general definition of normal and now she bares a curse – her father’s curse. Once her psychosomatic urge is triggered, Anna’s hands come to life and act out the same carnal deeds once carried out by her infamous father.


We have had Jack the Ripper face Scotland Yard in reality. In movies he has gone up against the likes of H.G. Wells and his time machine in Time After Time. He was a chemically transforming transsexual in Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde, and in every medium thus far conceived has run across Sherlock Holmes – most particularly in the films A Study in Terror and Murder by Decree. Now, in Hands of the Ripper, we have the acts of the Ripper facing a fresh adversary on a new playground. Inside the mind, courtesy of Dr. Sigmund Freud, which translates poetically in Hands of the Ripper, because it is the Ripper’s offspring facing Freud’s theories through Dr. Pritchard’s usage.


Hands of the Ripper was an interesting experiment in itself. What the talented, veteran Hammer films director Peter Sasdy (Countess Dracula) tried to do was keep the movie and story focused on the psychological aspects of Anna, her childhood, and the effects it implicated upon her mind all the while maintaining the traditional Hammer film flair of captivating atmosphere and unbridled violence.


Hammer Films regular Eric Porter (The Day of the Jackal) sternly portrays a concerned Dr. John Pritchard whose true intentions are obvious to everyone in the audience and yet not to himself. Once he begins donating all of his late-wife’s belongings to Anna, it is clear where his character’s actions are leading. Angharad Rees has an adorable, innocent face and fit perfectly in the role of a sub conscientious killer, and while the murders are few they are intense; and maybe one that is awkward, perhaps questionable, but still lovely and bloody.


Hands of the Ripper is a sweet surprise and something slightly out of the ordinary for a Hammer films production. While the acting is up to standard, the character development has issues with logic, but I suppose when dealing with killers and love, how much say does logic really have? As a fan of old horror films, especially Hammer films, I enjoyed Hands of the Ripper and recommend it to anyone interested in more than gore porn and body counts. There is an interesting tale being told here – story matters.

The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes - Movie Review

Malvina van Stille (Amira Casar) is in the midst of another incredible opera performance as her voice mesmerizes the crowd when suddenly she is shot and killed. If such a tragedy wasn’t enough, her body soon goes missing. Meanwhile, Felisberto Fernandez (Cesar Sarachu) is a piano tuner who comes from a long line of piano tuners with ears so powerful they can hear any noise from the ground to the sky. He has been hired by an awkward physician named Dr. Emmanuel Droz (John Gottfried) to come to is secluded clinic, not to tune a piano, but to refurbish his eerily human-like automatons. Felisberto must work quickly because the doctor wants these androids ready for a private opera he himself is staging wit the aid of his assistant and clinic manager, the exotic Assumpta (Assumpta Serna). She captures the eye of Felisberto who uses her to find out more information about the doctor and his clinic until another woman snares his attention with the harrowing majesty of her singing voice. Felisberto discovers that Malvina, while not alive, is Dr. Droz’s special singer for which this private elaborate production has been created. She will be his own nightingale, but now that Felisberto has the attention of both Assumpta and Malvina, the doctor’s plans are in jeapordy and he must see to it that Felisberto does not ruin his wonderful dream.

Watching this movie is very much like watching a dream. Directors and writers Stephen Quay and Timothy Quay create a fabulous, gothic atmosphere ripe for the both stage and screen with wood-carved backgrounds occasionally standing in for reality while brilliantly manipulating the mood of each scene. The script is something you would hear in a dream, I wouldn’ eve be surprised if George Lynch was a big influence on the two moviemakers. At first it felt like I was watching a filmly by Terry Giliam, and after seeing the credits, I almost was as he is an executive producer.

With The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes being atmospheric in the likes of a morbid fairytale, the story definitely takes its time going anywhere seemingly significant, but every character has layers of expressions and ideals to pick at, and you are never quite sure who is trying to outperform who once their feelings for one another become quite clear, and whether it is an admiration of love or of despicable contempt, no one is safe.

Bloody Birthday (1981) - Movie Review

Something unique happened in Joyce’s hometown in the year 1970. A total eclipse occurred.  At the apex of that solar phenoenon, another event happened. Timmy, Debbie, and Curtis were born. No one could have seen it coming, but eleven years later the effects of that fateful eclipse would unlock an insatiable urge to kill upon the motley trio, and with their birthday just around the corner, their bloodlust only grows.

Bloody Birthday (a.k.a. Creepers) is a film that unwittingly seems to help usher in the 80’s fright films era courtesy of director/co-writer Ed Hunt and co-writer Barry Pearson - cheesy dialogue, a mandatory topless girl, and special effects ranging from incredible to laughable. Some of the kills are indeed comedic at times, especially when a ten year old is gunning people down from behind with no blood to show for his or the guns efforts, but watching the three lure one their parents into a trap to be bludgeoned with a baseball bat is chilling in its actions despite the lack of gore.

Other than using children as savage murderers, or actually – because it is children that are savage murderers - another unique detail is that the majority of the movie and murders occur during the day, which may cut down on the scares but only helps increase the thrills of the kills.

Bloody Birthday is worth a chance, and I think most horror fans would be pleasantly surprised by the overall experience with this movie. You can even enjoy a bit of birthday cake with your viewing.

Vengeance (2009) - Movie Review

A Chinese man, his French wife, and their two sons are brutally murdered by a trio of hired killers. When the wife’s father, Costello, learns of their deaths, he vows revenge on the men who killed them and on the person who ordered the hit. However, Costello is suffering from slow-acting, permanent amnesia. If he is to exact his revenge he must do so quickly before his memory completely vanishes.

To do the job, Costello hires three other hired gunmen whom he meets under coincidental circumstances; one could look at it as fate lending a grieving father a helping hand. After the three mercenaries accept the job they begin building a unique bond with Costello who is much more than a mere French chef. Not unusual since his trio of assassins seem to have closer ties to the whole situation than anyone ever expected.

I have been waiting to see this movie for two, perhaps even three years. There is something blissfully visceral about a good revenge story. I did my best to keep my expectations even for when I did finally come across Vengeance, and I’m not sure if it helped but it sure didn’t hurt. Vengeance is a great story from start to finish. Director Johnnie To (Election) tightly captures the peculiar warmth and abnormal caring of people that kill for a living, which is fleshed out well by screenwriter Kai-Fai Wai.  

Most enjoyable is the chemistry between Costello, played by French pop icon Johnny Hallyday, and his three associates Kwai (Anthony Wong Chau-Sang), Chu (Ka Tung Lam), and Fat Lok (Suet Lam), who are part assassins, part Three Stooges.

Vengeance is full of gorgeous cinematography, great gun battles, and fun character development. It is definitely a movie I wouldn’t mind watching again very soon.

Heaven Sent, Hellbent - The Potentiality of Peyton Manning & Randy Moss United

With Randy Moss hoping to return to the NFL, various signals went on high alert. There should be no doubt as to which Randy Moss is returning. There is only one kind – one of the greatest deep threats to ever play on a football field, and one of the most controversial figures in sports history.

One of the largest misconceptions about Randy Moss is that he is not a team player. Veterans that have played with Randy Moss and that have gotten to know the man, such as Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and ESPN analyst (former Vikings wide receiver) Cris Carter vouch for his teamwork attributes. Its when the hammers starts coming down on Randy that his overbearing competitive personality takes a turn for the worse and the stubborn, take-my-ball-and-go-home Randy Moss emerges. Tragically, that is the Randy Moss the general public knows best.

Randy Moss’ desire to return couldn’t have come at a more exciting, if not, coincidental time seeing as how one of the greatest wide receivers of all time is available the same time when one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time might be -  and by the general consensus is – on his way to being a free agent.

March 8 is the deadline for the Indianapolis Colts, and more specifically owner Jim Irsay, to decide if they want to pay Peyton Manning the $28 million option bonus on his current contract. If they don’t, Manning becomes an unrestricted free agent.

Peyton Manning has been cleared by his personal physicians and by NFL physicians for play, according to a February 2 report from ESPN, Irsay tweeted on February 3, ““Peyton has not passed our physical nor has he been cleared to play for The Indianapolis Colts,” so what would be good for most, if not every other, NFL team isn’t good enough for the team that Peyton Manning resurrected from the competitive graveyard. Manning has apparently begun contract negotiations in the public forum. ESPN also reported that Manning mentioned that he is willing to sign on another team with an incentives-laden contract for as little guaranteed money as reasonable, and we all know between his old contracts and his successful endorsement deals, Peyton isn’t hurting in the pocket, and according to doctors he is no longer hurting in the neck. His only pain stems from his desire to play football.

If an archetype quarterback could land on the same team with an archetype wide receiver, there is no telling how far Peyton Manning and Randy Moss could go together, especially with the offense-friendly/defense-hindering rules used in the NFL. Without a doubt, both men are leaders with killer instincts. Do not let Peyton’s “ah shucks” persona fool you. On the football field, he is as cut throat of a competitor as there is, just like Moss. Randy is a wonderful humanitarian. He is one of the highest contributors to teenage charities in sports, and he cares about his fellow teammate. However, when times get tough; when the ball doesn’t spin in the team’s favor, that’s when the combatants’ ideologies split in opposite directions. Peyton Manning perseveres until the last second ticks. Randy Moss has shown that he will be packing his suitcase on the sidelines, ready to load the bus.

When it comes time to signing contracts, Peyton has already expressed his needs, but with Randy Moss, what the team would need is probably a decent amount of guaranteed money and a nonnegotiable out-clause for when the balls cease to find his direction on a consistent basis. It would be amazing to see these two play together, but to any teams barely considering the idea, the overall price might be too heavy to burden.

The Necessity of Doing it Doggy Style on Valentine's Day

Here we go again. Valentine’ Day is leering around the corner and bank accounts are taking strenuous hits with little or no sexual antics to be shared because most couples will be too bloated from their celebratory steak dinners or too depressed from spending so much money for such dainty quantities at the currently hot, overrated, upscale restaurant that was probably an abortion clinic only three months ago and most of the inventory is still probably being used for some culinary purpose.

While the rationale romantics do the wise thing and stay home, some choose to go to a movie. The women will be dragging their men to see The Vow, another glamorized romantic movie about things that will never happen to you, but to be fair; in accordance with history, the proper movie to be viewed this church-abandoned holiday is The Grey. Yes, the one about wolves, cunningly stalking survivors of a plane crash in the Alaskan wilderness.

Valentine’s Day originally paid homage to martyred saints, both named Valentine; one from Rome, one from Terni between 200 AD and 270 AD, and sharing no connections with romance as it does today. The only connection is that both events occur on February 14^th. Even when Catholicism planted its roots in Rome in 318 AD, still there was no connection between love and Saint Valentine’s Day.

The more accurate beginnings behind the meaning of Valentine’s Day begins in the pre-Roman era as Lupercalia – the “Wolf festival,” honoring the release of health and fertility; still, no love, but seriously, when has love ever had anything to do with buying expensive gifts and having fancy dinners? We’re really trying to impress someone enough to get their pants off. Through drunken logic and a mammal’s basic biological need for reproducing do people think they are in love; so, Lupercalia is clearly more in tune with today’s intentions for celebrating Valentine’s Day.

The reason to watch The Grey ties itself to the celebratory actions of Lupercalia. The festival lasted from February 13^th through the 15^th. It honored Lupa, the she-wolf that nursed Romulus and Remus – the founders of Rome. The Luperci (brothers of the wolf) carried out the rites of the festival. They would sacrifice two male goats and a dog, and with sacrificial blood would anoint two younger Luperci on their foreheads. They would then slice the skin from the animals and adorn them. With whips made of bloody animal thongs and intestine, the Luperci would run around the walls of the Palatine city where girls and young women aligned themselves to receive playful thrashing from these bloody flesh-belts intended to prevent sterility, guarantee their fertility, and ease the pain of their childbirth.  

Love is a manmade concept. As mammals, the need and the tools for baring offspring are built inside of us, and as a romantic I truly believe that expressing one’s love goes beyond a single day, because believing to know that you are in love and that this love worth maintaining takes more hard work than anyone is willing to admit. There will be more hard times than great ones, more trials than revelries, but it is possible to find true love and to ensure it is everlasting. Yet, if you choose to honor that love on Valentine’s Day, to do It properly, you have two choices – 1) Burn yourself alive in front of a church – 2) Slice open a wolf and use their intestine to whip blood on to the woman you care about.

Personally, I’d stick with a homemade meal, a movie, and an extra nasty version of Christmas sex.  

Is the NFL Pro Bowl Worth Saving?

The NFL’s Super Bowl has come and gone, a new champion has been crowned, and now we North American football fans wait the long, quiet wait until September when the helmets and pads begin colliding yet again. However, one NFL tradition is in jeopardy of immediate elimination, and that might not be such a bad idea.

The 2012 NFL Pro Bowl was a television ratings disparagement for NBC settling at 7.9, a significant drop from last year’s 8.6, which happened to be lower than the 2010 game. This is a sports-wide dilemma as TV ratings for each major sport leagues all-star excursion has experienced an annual decline these last few years. The primary reason for this pattern could be pointed to the lack of effort by these superstars during the game. The all-star games are meant to be an entertaining display of the best athletes in their respective sports league. The NFL’s Pro Bowl is a showcase of the statistically best players of that season competing against one another, yet the players have no real incentive for going forward with a competitive attitude. The winning division isn’t rewarded with any kind of advantage in the regular season or the playoffs. The game is held in Hawaii, which as luxurious as it is, as pristine as the climate may be, players can take their family there during the offseason any time they’d like. Why should the players put their health on the line for a meaningless game?

One suggestion – The NFL has been attempting to break through the international markets, particularly in London, England – and by attempting, I mean force feeding the British a product that the majority of them do not care for. Their football, soccer, is the only kind of football as far as many of them are concerned - but since 2007 two NFL teams have traveled to London to play a regular season game and to be fair, those games have not exactly represented the NFL at its best with lackluster offense and dull defensive conversions. If Commissioner Goodell is adamant about tapping into the international pipeline, move the Pro Bowl to London and make it an entire weekend’s worth of festivities, much like the NBA all-star game. The biggest names in the NFL would be there to show off for the curious newcomers and the few friendly familiar fans. There could be punt, pass, and kick competitions involving the players and fans as their interaction and increasing player notoriety are key factors in gaining greater accessibility to foreign hearts which in turn provide a direct line to their wallets.

The downside to this idea is that in climate comparison, Hawaii and London are as ridiculously opposite as one could imagine. The NFL players and crew would trade in the blissful serenity of Hawaii’s blessed sun, cool air, and relaxing beaches for London’s dour and drab environment consisting of a perpetually gray horizon accompanied by freakish amounts of the most bizarre rainfall conceivable. You will believe that rain can fall sideways.

Even if the players agreed to go to London, would the NFL want to pay the enormous price for travel and shipping that would come with this function? – Highly unlikely. For the actual Pro Bowl game, would the players be willing to increase their intensity level for the English crowd? Why? Their only motivation would be pride, which is completely honorable, but when the commissioner spends a copious amount of time preaching on the side of player safety, why would he want them to put their careers in further jeopardy for an ultimately pointless contest? Then again, if he is so concerned about player safety, why is he trying so hard to push the regular season schedule to 18 games instead of 16? Money, obviously; everyone knows that. The question just seems more rhetorical at the moment.

There doesn’t appear to be any way of making the NFL Pro Bowl important to the players, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Quite frankly they put their minds and bodies through enough beastly wringers throughout the season that the sooner they can call it a done season the better. Personally speaking, I am a die hard football fan; I will watch any kind from ten year olds to professionals and even I don’t care about the Pro Bowl. If Goodell does in fact abolish the Pro Bowl, I say good; let the players begin healing so they can be ready for next season. The traditionalist in me will be sad to see it go, but the fan in me will become even more anxious for the Super Bowl.

Visiting Hours (1982) - Movie Review

Deborah Ballin (Lee Grant), a TV journalist and rigorous campaigner of women’s rights finishes a television appearance calling for the support of battered women that murdered their husbands. She returns home for a few gratifying moments of relaxation when she is viciously attacked by an intruder, but after a quick chase and blind luck Deborah escapes his murderous intent. However, this madman refuses to accept anything other than her precious, significant death, so he decides to search for her at the hospital, but complicating the situation by making it even more interesting for this woman-hating killer is Deborah’s confident, headstrong nurse Sheila Munroe (Linda Purl). Now, the killer has two targets in mind with the same merciless outcome intended for both of them.


In the long run, Visiting Hours  plays out like a made-for-television movie of the week that was inherently popular in the past, with slightly more but unimpressionable bloodletting. Lee Grant and Linda Purl fill in the roles nicely as brave and courageous modern day women, but strong enough only for a soap opera about consequences of overeating pastry. Right next to Lee Grant is William Shatner as Gary Baylor, her agent and goof-in-waiting.

What I loved about this movie, was the cinematic approach director Jean-Claud Lord used on the killer Colt Hawker, played by Michael Ironside. For the first quarter of the movie his face, while always bare, is intentionally kept out of view by using meticulous lighting effects and precise camera maneuvers. You never get the sense that this movie is about him, but once his face is fully revealed to the audience the story is suddenly flipped on its head, and we begin to learn all about our misogynistic maestro and his contempt towards women.

Visiting Hours isn’t something I would recommend for viewing pleasure, but if someone was studying moviemaking and visual approaches to characters, I would suggest taking a look. The carnage is minimal with definitely one but maybe two or three frightening moments. Other than that it isn’t anything you can’t watch any day on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Small Talk Soda

Had a conversation with a chance-meeting-associate and we both share the same opinion.


He asked me if I thought that people were becoming much more desperate and aggressive because of the era we lived in or if people have always been this harsh and we just never knew it. We talked about the growing number of parents murdering their children, the blatant abuse of power by politicians and corporations, the fact that the majority of society sits back and waits for someone else to stand up and fix the problem, and the growing numbers of natural disasters around the globe.

I suggested that while the desperation is a sign of the times, I believed human beings have always done the vile things that we see on television and newsfeeds every day. The only reason we were never really aware of it was because the world did not possess the technological advantage of television and newsfeeds. Killing children may seem taboo, but they are certainly not off limits. Hollywood has heavily increased the amount of violence towards children in their movies and television programs because – 1) it’s a cheap shock to most audiences– and 2) it’s fresh on peoples’ minds.

Just as every successful civilization has risen and fallen at the hands of man’s adherence for greed (Egypt, Rome, Germany, soon to be added – America), people sit back and wait for a leader to rise. However, since the population is the largest it has ever been, we have far more followers, ingrates, and drooling masses than we do true leaders and none of these leaders are going to be allowed near a potentially successful political campaign because their good intentions are vastly outnumbered by the ignorant and the corrupt.

As for the natural disasters, Earth has never had to support the population that it does now, so all of the natural disasters we are witnessing now is planet Earth doing what it needs to do to survive.

All we've done throughout history is go around and around in circles before becoming a ring of fire, and there's a fresh match about to be lit.