Walking

Childhood isn’t something I think about. I have no desire returning to it and have found that I quite enjoy getting old. It probably has to do with being raised mostly by my grandparents who showed me at an early age what it meant to truly work and appreciate the things you have.


Even when I wasn’t helping them around the house or in the yard, I was playing with my toys by myself, playing outside by myself, or reading. Our neighborhood was not kind to strangers and my mother didn’t want me associating with the local kids or their families. If was playing outside and some kids asked me to play, she’d come out and make an excuse as to why I couldn’t go with them and why they couldn’t stay. Quite frankly, it didn’t bother me at all. I wasn’t the kind of kid who got along with his piers anyway. I was always more comfortable around adults because all I had to do was keep my mouth shut, be fat, and look cute.

The one thing I miss about childhood is being able to walk wherever I needed to go, or in actuality where I was meant to be at that particular time. Between certain ages of childhood, you’re allowed to walk, maybe to the end of your families property if you’re outside by yourself; and even if someone is outside with you, the furthest you can go is to the end of the block, but once I hit that age to where my family trusted me with my instincts, I was a ghost around the house. They didn’t know if I was home or not; if I was alive or dead, unless I stuck my head through the door telling someone I was home or I was going somewhere, and even then I still had no interest in making friends around my neighborhood. I liked being alone. And besides, the friends I did have were from school and both friends and school were nearly ten miles away; so, unless I bought some crack from the guy down the road that lived behind the chicken restaurant, used it, I wasn’t going to be walking or running ten miles at any time.

What I loved about walking was that I got to know the town, developing a real connection with it – and I don’t mean the people, because I really don’t care too much for those……things; no, I mean I feel like I got to hear the heartbeat of the town because we, the citizens, are the blood of a city. We make it run, we make it come alive, and when you stop and communicate with it one-on-one; when you can walk around and use the homeless people sleeping in front of department stores as hurdles, and smell the weed blowing from the skaters and thugs smoking underneath the expressway’s overpass, or know which alleys have discarded syringes from the crackheads and which ones don’t, there’s a part of your soul that melds with the soul of the city. The size of the city doesn’t matter, although some city’s designs are geared more towards driving than walking, which makes that element of that particular city something special, but there are always areas where you can walk and hear the city breathing.

The Slammin' Salmon - Movie Review

The Broken Lizard crew is back with Slammin’ Salmon, an homage to their days when they were working as waiters in college before filmmaking became their primary gigs.


Slammin’ Salmon is the restaurant where they all work. It is owned by retired boxing heavyweight champion Cleon Salmon who lives an extravagant lifestyle. It turns out that he owes the Yakuza twenty-thousand dollars after losing a bet on Japanese Albino hunting, so he’s bullying the weak-willed restaurant manager Rich Parente (Kevin Hefferman) into pushing the wait staff to bring in the money by the end of the night or Rich is going to feel the wrath of the champ’s fists.

For a lot of people, Broken Lizard may never be able to top Super Troopers but I’ve found that the more times I watch a Broken Lizard film the funnier it gets. I have the same viewing relationship with Ben Stiller’s directorial efforts like Zoolander and most of Amy Heckerling’s movies.

The first time I watched Slammin’ Salmon, I didn’t get a whole lot of thrills out of it, the jokes weren't clicking with me; but after giving it a second chance, I enjoyed it much more, and even more the third time. A big laugh-getter is Michael Clarke Duncan as Cleon. His grammar is hilariously flawed, he’s oblivious to common decency, and treats everyone like crap. He’s a wickedly funny character.

Another surprise is one of my favorite actors, Lance Henriksen, provides a cameo playing Dick Lobo; a television show creator and producer who hired one of the waiters, Connor (Steve Lemme), to be the lead role in his latest detective series because of his larger than life nose, but Connor was killed off after two episodes after receiving a nose job to reduce the size of it. I have always wanted to see Lance Henriksen verbally shred someone and my dream came true in this movie.

The rest of the staff stars Jay Chandrasekhar as the schizophrenic Nuts. If he forgets to take his med, he transforms into the insane Zongo. Eric Stolhanske plays Guy, an obnoxious playboy. Paul Soter plays dysfunctional twin brothers – the psychotic Dave and the humble Donnie. I wasn’t too keen on these guys doing two movies in a row where there are twin brothers, but it worked out just fine in both Beerfest and in Slammin’ Salmon.

The guys are accompanied by two waitresses – Mia, a ballerina in training, played by April Bowlby and the g-g-gorgeous Cobie Smulders who plays Tara the med student.

This is the first Broken Lizard film not directed by Jay Chandrasekhar; instead Kevin Heffernan took the reigns and did a fine job.

It took some time but Slammin’ Salmon became a ribald treat that I haven’t grown tired of. Michael Clarke Duncan stole the show for me, Lance Henriksen pulled off a great cameo, and the Broken Lizard gang kept bringing the funny.

Nick of Time - Movie Review

In 1995, Johnny Depp was already famous and a respected actor, but he wasn’t a movie star yet – he was still just an actor; one of my favorite secret treasures. Then along came the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise and suddenly Johnny Depp was popular and desirable to an entirely newer, larger generation, and his respect and accolades as a great actor were also elevated.


When I first watched Nick of Time in the theater in 1995 I thought it was as close to a Tom Clancy type of story as Johnny Depp would probably ever get, but now with endless star power Tom Clancy might just be thinking of something specifically for Johnny Depp.

In Nick of Time, a recently widowed Gene Watson (Johnny Depp) has arrived in Los Angeles with his six-year-old daughter Lynn (Courtney Chase). They took the train from San Diego where they were attending the funeral for Gene’s wife and Lynn’s mother. Before they exit the terminal they are pulled aside by two government agents – Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones – who ask for his identification and then escort him to a parked van outside. Once inside the van, Gene is informed by Mr. Smith (Christopher Walken) that he is responsible for carrying out a murder at a hotel and if he does not perform this task within the next ninety minutes, a very trigger-happy Ms. Jones (Roma Maffia; Nip/Tuck) will kill six-year-old Lynn. After some abusive influencing by Mr. Smith, Gene agrees to the dreadful deed. He is supplied with a sealed envelope containing the identity of the future victim and a revolver.

Every time Gene buckles under stress and attempts heeding the aid of anyone willing to listen, Mr. Smith appears from out of nowhere, seeming practically five feet away at all times and losing patience. After arriving at the hotel, during a morbidly coincidental moment Gene discovers that he has been sent to kill the Governor of California Eleanor Grant. Luckily, Gene does find someone willing to believe him yet reluctant to help; a shoe-shiner and ex-army veteran named Huey (Charles S. Dutton; Roc), and Gene does need all the help he can get when he finds out that Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones are not working alone, and their accomplices could be anyone anywhere inside that hotel.

Nick of Time feels like director John Badham (WarGames) is doing his best Hitchcock impersonation with mystery men appearing from thin air, the simple plot but complexity of the situation and the characters involved, which the script by Patrick Sheane Duncan (Mr. Holland’s Opus) provides the basis for. The film is steadily paced, but sometimes the tension isn’t tense enough; like someone took a misstep on to the mountain ridge five seconds before the rickety bridge collapses thousands of feet instead of one second. The actors make this movie better than it might be. Johnny Depp turns in his usual thespian goodness, especially because I believe this is the least dynamic character he has ever played which is exactly what the story called for. Instead, he lets Christopher Walken take the reigns of awkwardness with a mindset of malice fueling his desire to complete the mission. As a large fan of both actors it was a treat to see them working closely together for a large portion of the film. Charles Dutton turns in his typical, proud everyman performance but I haven’t ever seen him turn in a bad performance. Roma Maffia as Ms. Jones plays my kinda gal. She had no qualms over venting little Lynn’s skull with a bullet and was ready to kick and kill anyone’s ass that annoyed her. And Courtney Chase was such an adorable six-year-old girl. She was so cute, even when the barrel of the gun was pointed at her head.

Nick of Time is not one of Johnny Depp’s more notable films, but it tells a good story at a consistent pace but with inconsistent tension; however the actors involved save it from imploding, and it was a personal treat seeing Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken share the screen.

Batman: Under the Red Hood - Movie Review

Batman: Under the Red Hood is the latest in DC’s animated straight-to-dvd releases. This story is adapted by Judd Winick from his time on the regular Batman comic book series which brought back to the DCU Jason Todd – the second Robin who killed by The Joker. The animation is loosely inspired by Dustin Nguyen’s excellent artwork from the same story, while the movie is directed by DC animation regular and long-time animation director Brandon Vietti (Batman:Brave & the Bold, Superman/Doomsday).


In this story, Gotham City has a new vigilante in town with a familiar name – The Red Hood, which the Joker (John Di Maggio; Futurama) admits in this movie to having used that moniker in a previous life. However, this vigilante doesn’t practice the same honorable methods that Batman does. The Red Hood (Jensen Ackles; Supernatural) has no qualms about killing and controlling crime rather than stopping it because he knows crime in Gotham will never end, and the current Gotham kingpin – Black Mask (Wade Williams) – is taking the biggest hit in business because of this new/old face. So, after several fruitless attempts to kill him on his own, Black Mask’s desperation leads him to strike a deal with Gotham’s own devil – The Joker. All he wants him to do is kill Red Hood, but with The Joker you are always guaranteed to get more than you bargained for.

Batman (Bruce Greenwood) has his own interests invested in Red Hood’s identity because every time they encounter one another, there seems to be a rising familiarity about whom this person is; from their fighting style to the personal knowledge that the Red Hood knows about Batman and Brue Wayne. All of the evidence suggests the unthinkable – that Batman’s greatest failure may have formed into a living, breathing, trigger-happy ghost by the name of Jason Todd; the only sidekick that died while serving under Batman’s supervision, and died at the hands of The Joker.

Aided by Nightwing (Neil Patrick Harris), even though he doesn’t want to be, Batman searches for clues as to who this Red Hood is and if there is any possibility that it could in fact be Jason. His search leads them to a fight with an Amazo android and takes Batman to the lair of Ra’s Ah Ghul (Jason Isaacs) and of course, to a confrontation with both the Red Hood and The Joker.

Batman: Under the Red Hood is heavy on the action and it is animated quite well. Every punch, kick, slam, and acrobatic assault comes out clearly. The voice-acting is fine; I feel that a lot of fans might take issue with Di Maggio’s interpretation of The Joker as he seems to be slightly more refined and less hysterical than previous incarnations, but I got used to it and even felt him channeling Mark Hammil’s version towards the end. Given more opportunities I think John Di Maggio would make an excellent Joker all around, but I’ll have to settle for a weekly dose of Bender on Futurama. To me, the standout was Neil Patrick Harris. Even though I knew he was playing Nightwing, hearing him act it out was a very cool experience; it rarely sounded like his own voice at all and fit Nightwing quite well.

Having read all of the stories that were involved in bringing this moment in Batman’s life to fruition, the changes made for the animated movie were understandable and didn’t detract from the viewing experience in any way, and although it is explained – the emotional and psychological toll that Jason’s death took on Batman/Bruce Wayne, I wouldn’t have minded a little snippet showing just how close Batman came to crossing that line he swore he never would, but really I have nothing to complain about. Batman: Under the Red Hood is a finely adapted tale about an important part of Batman’s life and is not at all a bad time-killer, and for the die hard fans; maybe, eventually a worthy purchase.

CIty Island - Movie Review

City Island is the latest New York tale from writer/director Raymond De Felitta. Most of his films pertain to the complexities and social awkwardness of families living in New York, particularly the Bronx, and City Island is no different.


The movie takes place in City Island, a small fishing village in the Bronx. The story revolves around a correction’s officer named Vince Rizzo (Andy Garcia), the co-head of a family so dysfunctional you start wondering what makes yours so terrible. He has an emotional landmine as his wife- Joyce (Julianna Marguiles); a snarky, hormonally evolving teenage son – Vince jr. (Ezra Miller), and the college girl secretly turned stripper – Vivian (Dominik Garcia-Lorido).

Vince’s opening monologue is up front and honest about the film’s theme; secrets. Everyone has them, and everyone has that one deep secret, the secret that could change lives, and everyone in the Rizzo family has their own. Vivian hasn’t told her family about losing her college scholar ship and turning to stripping to pay for her education. Vince jr. hasn’t told anyone about his fetish for big, plump women and his infatuation with the big, bodacious beauty across the street. Joyce hasn’t told Vince that she doesn’t believe him when he says he’s going to playing poker, and that’s because Vince is not playing poker – he’s attending acting classes. And no one in the family is willing to confess to anyone else in the family that they smoke.

Vince’s desire to become an actor is not his big secret. One day at work he notices a convict in his mid-twenties with a familiar last name – Tony Nardella – and immediately Vince knows exactly who Tony (Steven Strait) is. Tony is the son Vince abandoned a different lifetime ago, before Tony was ever born, and whom he has never told anyone in his family about. Tony’s eligibility for parole requires that he be released to a family member, but the only family he knew was an abusive mother – the pregnant, psychotic lover that Vince left all those years ago, and she has since died. Vince decides to assume responsibility for Tony’s release and takes him home, convincing him that he’s there only to help Vince build a bathroom in the boatshed for his wife.

Soon, after witnessing outlandish arguments amongst the family, and discovering everyone’s secrets, Tony starts thinking that life in prison wasn’t half as bad as being stuck with these people.

Emily Mortimer plays Tanya, Vince’s acting partner, motivator, and sole confidante who has a secret of her own that she will share with Vince, but only at the right time. The always entertaining Alan Arkin has a small role as the acting coach Michael Malakov and aside from verbally bashing Vince’s favorite actor, Marlon Brando, he is really underused, but considering the story was trying to tell – it may have been a struggle to fit him in anywhere else.

City Island is a funny, passionate, emotional rollercoaster ride from beginning to end. You see the Rizzo’s marriage falling apart bit by bit, and with Tony now involved in their lives you understand what could happen and even if it does happen you still find yourself laughing at the whole situation. With the two children, most of the time you feel like slapping them but at least Vince jr. comes back with humor and shows his weak link when it comes to talking to the kinds of girls he prefers – Vivian comes across as more of a dying fish that’s beached on the ocean. She just needs to be picked up and tossed back in order to be alright, but the scene at the dinner table discussing her curiously, still-enlarging chest parts is gut-busting. And this is the most that I have enjoyed Andy Garcia in a very long time. His comedic timing is excellent while shifting between dramatic moments at the drop of a hat. Great acting combined with a meaningful, well-told story make City Island worthwhile viewing.

Robin Hood (2010) - Movie Review

Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe reunite once more to bring us something that absolutely no one asked for – another Robin Hood interpretation. However, this particular story talks about the man before the legend was created, back when he was not Robin Hood but Robin Longstride, an archer in the army of King Richard Coeur de Lion (Danny Huston) caught in the midst of war with the French.


After the king dies in battle, Robin and his three followers Will Scarlett, Alan-a-Dale and Little John, (Scott Grimes, Alan Doyle, Kevin Durand) abandon the war and try to return home. Along the way they find an ambushed platoon of English soldiers who were in charge of returning the slain king’s crown back to England. Among these soldiers is a dying Sir Robert Loxley who is attempting to right a wrong that he felt he committed against his father – stealing his blind father’s sword before leaving for battle. Sir Robert makes Robin promise to return the sword to his father, Sir Walter Loxley (Max Von Sydow).

To gain voyage on the ship back to England, the rogue quartet disguise themselves as English soldiers; Robin Longstride assumes the identity of Sir Robert Loxley.

With King Richard dead, his miserly son, Prince John (Oscar Isaac) takes control of England and begins leveling outrageous taxes amongst all the citizens, and if they cannot pay they are banished or killed. Prince John’s – now King John’s ravenous reign stretches into to desolate village Nottingham where Robin and his crew have returned to fulfill Robin’s vow to Sir Robert. When he does so, Robin meets Marion Loxley (Cate Blanchett), now Sir Robert’s widow. She takes him to meet Sir Walter. After hearing the news of the death of his son, Sir Walter hatches a plan – in order so that the family will not lose their land, Robin must continue to portray himself as Sir Robert, and if he does so, Sir Walter will tell Robin about the father that Robin says abandoned him when he was only a child.

Soon, Robin sees what King John is doing to the people of England, so he gathers his friends and slowly the legend of Robin Hood starts to rise, culminating in one last battle against an invading French army.

It took several years and even more script revisions for this film to happen. Originally, Ridley Scott had intended for the Sherriff of Nottingham to use primitive detective skills in order to bring down Robin Hood. Russell Crowe had even mentioned wanting to play both the Sherriff and Robin Hood, but after so many rewrites and interference from Universal Pictures, what finally made it to the big screen was an entertaining action-adventure film. It did not have the “epic” feel that perhaps Gladiator did, but script bared no empty space and the whole cast delivered lustrous performances for their explosive characters. There was a moment when I wondered if I was going to be getting out of the theater any time soon, and I also wondered how unattractive the other women in Nottingham must have been if Cate Blanchett was the best that Robin Longstride could settle for, but luckily the film picked itself back up and once again harnessed my complete interest. It was time well spent and a good movie to lose one’s self in.

Arsenic and Old Lace - Movie Review

The movie Arsenic and Old Lace is a comedy based on a play by Joseph Kesselring. The film version is directed by legendary filmmaker Frank Capra who is responsible for other classics such as It’s a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, and one of my personal favorites – Meet John Doe. The screenplay was co-written by Julius J. Epstein and his twin brother Philip G. Epstein, both of whom were also responsible for the screenplay version of Casablanca.


The story centers on a drama critic and playwright, Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant; North by Northwest) who has returned to his childhood home in Brooklyn, New York where he has agreed to marry his long-time sweetheart, Elaine Harper (Priscilla Lane; the Four Daughters trilogy), despite Mortimer's best-selling book revolves around the negative aspects of being in an intimate relationship.

 When the happy couple stops by the Brewster home occupied by his two aunts and his younger brother Teddy, Mortimer discovers a few things; that his brother Teddy is threatening to be arrested by the local police for blowing his bugle at the most improper times. Mortimer soon realizes that Teddy is in fact delusional, believing himself to be Teddy Roosevelt, and is need of being committed.

Another discovery Mortimer makes while in the Brewster home – there is an elderly man’s corpse inside the window seat, bringing Mortimer to suspect Teddy of murder, but when he brings it to the attention of his two aunts – Abby and Martha – they confess to killing not just one elderly man, but an entire dozen; all of them buried in their basement by Teddy. The aunts claim that all of these elderly men were lonely and sick, and that they were cheerfully doing them an honorable service by poisoning them with wine so that the men would finally find peace.

And that is simply the beginning of Mortimer’s troubles. Soon, there are visitors arriving to look at the rooms for rent that are almost poisoned by the aunts. Mortimer is too distracted to pay any attention to Elaine, so she begins having doubts about their relationship. Mortimer is trying to get the blame for the murders placed on Teddy because he loves his Aunts to much to send them to prison, but to have Teddy committed to the Happydale Asylum Teddy himself needs to sign the papers, which he will not do. Then, to make the worst of a bad situation, Moritmer’s older brother Jonathan (Raymond Massey) returns with a new, horrific face and his assistant who is really his plastic surgeon Dr. Einstein (Peter Lorre; Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon). Jonathan has been running around the United States committing murders of his own and once he discovers unfilled graves in the basement, he’s happily enticed to commit on more murder – his dear brother Mortimer, whom Jonathan has hated their entire lives.

Arsenic and Old Lace is a film where the entire cast is running around frantically, acting over the top with their silliness and quick witted with their zingers. This is Frank Capra having a vacation at work watching Cary Grant exert his frustrations through actions fans of the Three Stooges would be proud of while slowly and humorously descending into the madness that surrounds his whole family. Raymond Massey applies a great dastard and gothic demeanor, matching his character’s mangled face, and his feral reactions to anyone that says he looks like Boris Karloff are outrageous, while Peter Lorre once again does best as the humble, slightly disturbed sidekick.

Arsenic and Old Lace is fun-time viewing from start to finish bringing and intellectual comedic light to a subject so morbid, very few modern filmmakers could pull off something so funny without being tempted to sink into the gutter, but those were different days with different principles back in 1944. Still, it’s nice to go back to the days of fast thinkers and gut-busting one-liners. That’s one of the greatest things movies offer us; a chance to go back in time.

Max - Movie Review

Max tells the story of Max Rothman, possibly the last man standing between the Adolf Hitler that could have been and the Adolf Hitler that history has shown us. Max Rothman is an art dealer living in Germany, having recently returned from the trenches of World War I where he lost his right arm in battle.


During the evening of an art show, Max encounters a scrawny, nervous young man who says he is an artist. Max looks at his portfolio and sees potential, but no passion. He asks the young man if he could paint some more, tapping deeper into his sub-conscious to unleash this fragile passion. The young man agrees. Max asks his name – Adolf Hitler, the man replies.

At this time, Corporal Adolf Hitler has also just returned from fighting in the First World War, but where Max returned to family and wealth, Hitler returned to and empty bunk. He has no family, no home, and the only money he earns is from the German army which he claims is the only reason he remains with them – they pay his expenses. However, where Max sees an inspiring artist, the German army – namely Captain Mayr - sees someone whose true artistic grace is politics; to sway the minds of people with his voice instead of a paintbrush.

Thus, in order to earn more money, Hitler decides to follow orders and begins orating for the German Army, crying out against the Jews even though Hitler admits to admiring them for keeping their blood pure; fornicating and marrying only within their own race, and praising them for being hard workers all the while baring his true convictions to Max Rothman who keeps trying to convince Hitler to continue painting, even buying pieces on consignment out of pity.

Max Rothman is one of John Cusack’s better performances, because he has always been a good, popular actor but never one that has been considered an Oscar contender. That’s never stopped him from being one of my personal all-time favorites, but this time he steps further outside of himself more than he normally does. Noah Taylor (Almost Famous, Vanilla Sky) does an excellent job as a young, querulous Adolf Hitler; though he may not have the complete physical look of the man he does execute well the mannerisms and verbal tirades that the world is familiar with.

Max is a small film that, like most fact-based films, changes truth and manipulates history to better serve the Hollywood story. But it is a movie that challenges ideals – friendship and war, passion and complacency. Max and Hitler are polar opposites whose only common link is art. Max is a confident free spirit who is willing to bend the rules of marriage with a mistress while Hitler is an insecure cynic on the verge of an emotional breakdown with the drop of a single tree leaf, and despite Max Rothman’s best attempts we all know that the leaf indeed did fall, breaking the artist and creating the monster.

Predators - Movie Review

After two substandard attempts in bringing the biggest and baddest on-screen aliens together in Aliens vs. Predator and the worse Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the attention finally shifts back solely to one of them – the Predator species.

Predators is an attempt to relaunch the franchise while serving as a sequel. This installment finds eight strangers of various military and socially violent backgrounds mysteriously transported to a planet. None of them aware how they arrived, simply awakening in freefall strapped to a parachute

After the awkward introductions and established suspicions of each others intentions, the group sees no choice other than to band together with Royce (Adrien Brody), a rogue mercenary leading the way, although he has no qualms over anyone not wanting to follow his command and are more than welcomed to go their own way.

During the trek trough the cryptic jungle, the group continues finding signs of life either long dead or on the prowl; totems, cages, but each clue leads only to further confusion. Once the crew makes it to an elevated mountain range it becomes evident that they are no longer on Earth. Then, after a brief skirmish with fierce alien beasts established in the role of hunting dogs, the group realizes that they are not lost, they are prey.

Predators takes its source material primarily from the first film, even directly acknowledging it at one point and then subtly in over a half-dozen shout outs within the script and scenes. The cast is made up of the usual filters for killing and the main players. The more notable names are Adrien Brody, the gorgeous Alice Braga (Redbelt, Repo Men), Topher Grace (best known for That 70’s Show, unfortunately known as Venom/Eddie Brock from Spiderman 3), Laurence Fishburne (Hoodlum, C.S.I.) who plays a survivor from a previous hunt, Danny Trejo, and the up and coming Walton Goggins who played Shane on The Shield and will be seen in more television shows and films in the months to come.

Predators tries to revive the magic that made the first film such a success, unfortunately it does not help that the movie travels like these lost, meandering killers – at a snail’s pace. The movie reestablishes what the Predators are and how they hunt, which may prove useful to newcomers to the series but for those of us that are already familiar with the creatures it can prove to be a drawback as it was for me. I nearly dozed off several times and even hoped that I would need to use the restroom soon.

There are only two new pieces of information about the Predators revealed in the film, one is a hunting tool and the other relates to the evolution and customs of their species; other than that, there is just a lot of empty space in between the limited, poorly filmed action sequences. There are some twists and turns amongst the relationships within the group but instead of building them up through character development, they are used simply as shock treatments and don’t really add any meat to a thin script.

With Robert Rodriguez putting only co-producing this movie and moving the production from Fox Studios to his own Troublemaker Studios to have more creative control, he may have been better off undertaking the film completely, which was the original plan back in the late-90’s. Ridley Scott is hoping to return glory to the Alien franchise with a couple of prequels. Here’s hoping for some light at the end of a continuously disappointing tunnel, and hoping there’s no parachute-less freefall at the end of it.

Funny People - Move Review

Funny People was brought to us by Judd Apatow himself - written and directed – during the cooling off period of Apatow-mania. This film was described by Apatow as a “passion project,” and is based on moments in real life experiences from him and comedians.



Adam Sandler plays highly successful comedian/movie star George Simmons. He has gained all the luxuries that life could possibly offer someone of his career status but is thrown a harsh reality check when a trip to the doctor’s office shatters his entire world. He is diagnosed with a distinct, surely incurable blood disease.


After soaking in the news, he decides he wants to return to standup comedy on a regular basis. During an impromptu appearance where his grim attitude is beginning to show in his stage material, he meets upcoming comedian and George Simmons fan - Ira Wright (Seth Rogen). Ira is the farthest behind in the standup game; still working at a deli shop and sleeping on the foldout couch in the apartment rented out by his two friends Leo (Jonah Hill) and Mark (Jason Schwartzman). Leo’s standup career is slightly further along than Ira’s and Mark is already starring in his own high-school sitcom that all of his friends find painfully unfunny and degrading. It’s a low-grade mockery of Head of the Class.


Once Ira goes on stage he takes shots at the seemingly grim George Simmons and then has a fate-filled meeting with him afterwards in the parking lot where George complements Ira on his material and then tries to mow him down with his truck. The next day, Ira finds himself working as Simmons’ assistant, joke-writer, and all-day-insult-taker.


Eventually, George opens up to Ira about the disease and hopes that Ira will keep it a secret while George comes to terms with it himself and the people he knows best, which are not many because after he found success he did everything possible to alienate all of his loved ones away, including his ex-girlfriend Laura, whom he lost by being unfaithful. But once she finds out about the disease, they suddenly start rekindling some form of a relationship despite Laura already being married to a business executive, Clarke (Eric Bana) and having two daughters. Needless to say, here comes trouble.


Adam Sandler’s performance is good if not for the redundant granny voice routine. Rogen’s character is more innocent than any other role he’s taken and he plays it well, especially when it comes to being clueless about women. What I really liked is that Erica Bana doesn’t hide his Australian accent, and I wish Hollywood would allow these foreign actors to stop faking an American one, even though most of them are great at it while others like Gerard Butler make for great spoofing material on sketch comedy shows.


Funny People starts off strong and tries to be an emotional rollercoaster. There are many amusing and laughable moments throughout the film, including Eminem cursing out Ray Romano and Ira’s breakdown in front of George in a public restaurant, but once the film hits the middle – it doesn’t necessarily fall apart, but the story just isn’t as good anymore. It flames out and doesn’t care to be reignited, and then it keeps going and going and going, becoming one of those films that should have ended when it had the chance.

Observe and Report - Movie Review

Observe and Report is a film that came out at the apex of Judd Apatow and his crew's power hour in Hollywood. This movie was written and directed by an Apatow regular from behind the camera – Jody Hill. He wrote and directed several episodes of Eastbound and Down and directed The Foot the Fist Way, both of which are starring vehicles for Danny McBride who has a cameo in Observe and Report.



This movie stars Seth Rogen as Ronnie Barnhardt; a bi-polar, medicated, mall security guard. He is obsessed with honoring the ideals of truth and justice at just about any cost. Meanwhile, he’s trying to win the affections of whom he considers the prettiest girl in the mall – the dull-witted, and whole lot of little bit slutty Brandi, played by Anna Faris of Scary Movie infamy; even though the girl in the wheelchair working at the cookie stand, Nell (Collette Wolfe) hints to Ronnie that she likes him. Ronnie also enjoys harassing his self-labeled mall terrorist Saddamn, played by Aziz Ansari.


There is a flasher running around Ronnie’s mall, showing off his nasty bits and pieces to all the pretty ladies and Brandi becomes his latest victim, sending Ronnie and his misfit crew on a mission to bring down the elusive pervert. Also, there has been a string of robberies from stores in the mall, so now the police become involved on both cases, opening an investigation led by Detective Harrison played by Ray Liotta (Goodfellas), a no-nonsense detective who could really care less about the pervert and is more interested in the robberies. Through him Ronnie finds inspiration and tries to become a police officer while getting on Detective Harrison’s nerves and there is nothing better, more offensive – meaning funnier – than a pissed off Ray Liotta, which is what Detective Harrison is.


Observe and Report is comedy at its darkest. Ronnie Barnhardt is an intense character that is as violent as he is amusing. Some of the funnier moments happen when Ronnie is at home, nursing his alcoholic mother well-played by movie veteran Celia Weston. Chances are you’ve seen her in a movie or television show at some time, you just don’t know which one but it’ll come to you later.


Ronnie’s co-workers are funny as well; the gun-happy, heavyset Asian twins John Yuen and Matt Yuen, played by John Yuan and Matt Yuan. Yes, you read that correctly. Also helping Ronnie is the drug-loving, thrill-riding Dennis, played insanely by Michael Pena, another movie and television veteran. Trust me, you’ve seen him before. In Observe and Report, he delivers one of his most memorable performances and provides a hilarious, eye-opening moment in the middle of the film.


Seth Rogen once again plays the loveable loser, only now the loveable loser doesn’t see himself as a loser at all and might not be so loveable to all audiences because his love for justice is a passion so intense, blood will be shed. One moment best representing his convictions comes when Nell’s manager (Patton Oswalt) and her co-worker are making fun of her, forcing Nell to tears in front of Ronnie, forcing Ronnie to go OFF on both of them. Ronnie’s also not afraid to tase mall employees or trade racially facetious dialogue with Saddamn; which left me laughing long after the scene was over.


Observe and Report is not a movie that everyone will like or maybe even understand, but for those that enjoy the sadistic side of comedy this is a movie that might appeal to them. It did to me, and some of my friends might even say there’s a bit of Double Barrel in it. He’s a nice guy. I hope you all get to meet him some day.

Double Barrel Reviews Surrogates

A flick that proves what lazy pieces of shit human beings really are and have yet to become.

Some folks invent the Surrogates, which are cyborgs initially created for military purposes but then get optioned out to the general public, which finds the movie poking fun at the current state of modern medical technology - you know lasic surgery was available over a decade before your next door opthamologist started marketing sports figures and phone call discounts to lure you in - and suddenly somebody important to the Surrogate technology is murdered when he's screwing some whore through his Surrogate - because, let's face it; nothing gets done until somebody White and important to something dies, but in the technological world of Surrogates, that is incapable of happening - meaning there's a brand new weapon on the loose.

So, the Die Hard guy and his blonde, cougar sidekick are in charge of solving the case, but during the whole ordeal, Hudson Hawk's Surrogate is badly damaged, so - God forbid - he actually has to experience life for himself, which is the message he spreads out to everyone else, including his wife whome he feels so disconnected to lately. Hmmmm; wonder why?

The fick is based off the graphic novel, which is a nice way of saying "comics for grown ups," and it wasn't even a graphic novel, it was a multi-part mini-series, but since it got collected into a trade paperback (tpb), it is now considered a graphic novel. Anywho, the whole paper strip thing was written by Robert Venditti, drawn by Brett Weldele, and the flick was made by who-gives-a-damn....RENT IT, and wait until it's, like, $.99 or something. I mean, I love THE BRUCE - LOVE THE BRUCE, but the entire message of the film had me squeezing my beverage more out of stress relief than for excitement because all this film did was remind me about how selfish, languid, and pathetic human beings can really be.

Gotta go; neighbor's bitching about a flaming arrow shot through his front door - not that I know anything about that or the crap he keeps dumping in the no-dump zone of the alley. Peace, and get laid - - soon.