Bad Boys (1983) - Movie Review

Bad Boys hosts one of Sean Penn's earliest roles; at the very least, the first of his many feature films, and there are times when this movie almost feels like an afterschool special that were so prevelant in the 1980's, but there is enough foul language and effective violence to snap the viewer out of any such idea.

Sean Penn plays Mick O'Brien, a  teenage, wannabe street thug in Chicago that feels like he is on his way to the top. The only redeeming quality about himself is his girlfriend J.C. played by Ally Sheedy. Drossingly vying for her affections is Paco Moreno (Esai Morales), an up and coming drug runner who thinks he's a kingpin.

One evening, Mick attempts to rob Paco, but things go horribly wrong; Paco's younger brother ends up dead, accidentally because of Mick, and Mick gets sent to a juvenile prison while Paco is left out in the streets, thristing for vengeance, and he does what he needs to get it.

Anyone watching this film during its initial release could tell that Sean Penn was something special. They may not have been able to predict the "superstar" he was to become, but his talent grandly shows. The casting, overall, was perfect for this film from Penn and Morales to Clancy Brown as Viking Lofgren, the bully of the prison; even Jim Moody plays the perfect supervisor while Roman Herrera is exactly the kind of counselor one would expect to find in a place like the hell these young men place themselves in.

This movie is dated, but the emotions are not. For being so young, all of these young actors, some future stars, others future bit players, deliver great performances that will impress you and creep you out equally. The film was directed by Rick Rosenthal (Halloween II), and there is an old school easter egg hidden within the middle of the film that gives a shoutout to Halloween fans.

Bad Boys was a film that I wasn't expecting to keep thinking about days after I watched it, but I am; and while it is not the best piece of cinema, for the subject matter and the era it was made - the tone and violence were well ahead of their time.

Double Barrel on Movie Remakes and Sequels....and Those That Care

Remake, re-imagining, reboot, sequel; I have grown numb to all of these things. Hollywood can redo whatever the hell it wants. Do-overs have been part of the Hollywood staple since Hollywood's inception. Frankenstein was one of the first films ever made (1910); how many times in how many years has that been redone? I officially don't give a fuck.

Let Steven Soderbergh remake Citizen Kane for all I care - and right about now there will be dozens of trolls bashing, "WHAT?! TRAVESTY!" No, he's not - but if anyone did, I think he'd be the better choice - not the best one, just the better one. Because right now there are several generations that feel Citizen Kane is overrated anyway.

Remakes are easy to make, and easier to financially capitalize on, easier to sequelize, and the only difference between remakes, horror films, and horror film remakes are the budget; horror is monetarily cheap - and much like the music industry; anyone that says they aren't in it for the money are full of complete, narcassistic shit.

Blame comics for all I care. If comic books can get away with rehashing, re-thinking, and recreating someone's origin, or erasing someone's death just to sell a book, well guess who Hollywood's looking at for inspiration these days. If comics have been doing it for a near century, Hollywood has every right to tell its consumers to stick two fingers up their ass, straight into their wallets because you are either stupid or apathetic enough to pay for it.

You don't like it, don't watch it; otherwise, be prepared to Eat Hollywood Dick like the sadistic whore you are because they are not paying you to get yourself fucked in the ass with razorblade dildoes, you are paying them to fuck you in the ass with razorblade dildoes.

Just be thankful that the internet is around for you to vent your frustration for dozens of people to read, because there are millions more who don't give a damn about what you think .

....And guess who's one of those millions.

I Sell the Dead - Movie Review

I Sell the Dead is the story of two happy-go-lucky grave robbers, Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan) and Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden) during the 19th century. The film is set in a prison after Arthur and Willie have been arrested for their crime, as Arthur recounts his and Willie's career to Father Duffy (Ron Perlman, Hellboy), who is interested in keeping these tales in print for his own personal collection.

As a young boy, Arthur learns the art of grave robbing from Willie, and the two form a unique bond that carries them over the years through poverty and a bevy of rascals.

They are painfully employed by Dr. Vernon Quint (Angus Scrimm, Phantasm) to dig up the dead so he may perform experiments on them. They are paid in cheap wages and threats of blackmail until one night, the dead body they exhume from the grave turns out to be rather undead. Then, they discover that there is a market for these kinds of beings with reclusive clients that are willing to pay more   money than either Willie or Arthur ever expected to see in their lifetimes.

 I Sell the Dead is a fun movie that harkens back to the gothic-horror legacies of the original Hammer Horror films mixing in with British humor. Director and writer Glenn McQuaid seems to be heavily influenced, visually, by Sam Raimi as there are scenes with the similar texture, reminiscent of Evil Dead 2 and even Drag Me to Hell.

Like most British horror, the pacing is slow allowing room for character development, and when the frights occur, they aim to shock, surprise, and humorously entertain the viewer. So, if you enjoy gore-soaked horror, this isn't the film for you, but if you like your mania witty and playful, this movie is worth a look.

Man-Whore Begins

Gwar - The Salaminizer

This song is an example of why music has always been fun for me. And the only reason I still listen to Gwar is because they've never failed to deliver an enjoyable live show, and when in the 7th grade my two-year-crush asked to borrow their albums. I warned her, told her she wouldn't like them. She didn't, but she gave'em a chance because they were different.

She was an unbelievabally beautiful person the last time I ran into her. She said she was happy, and that was good enough for me.

And after the first night I  ever saw Gwar; I remember only being at school - - Algebra 2 - flicking off what was, hopefully, pseudo-blood and pseudo-sperm from my shirt, pulling out flakey chunks of the concoctions from my hair.

DB & a Movie: X-Men Origins - Wolverine

I love this piece of shit. Why? Liev Schreiber and Hugh Jassman's monologue setting up the acme, and then his young-Brando exit with some James Cagney in the mix.

I love this film the way I love Ang Lee's Hulk; Nick Nolte's Shakespearian rant just before one of the crappiest slugfests in comic-book movie reality, and it has actors acting, although Wolverine also has rappers needing to talk less. I did get a kick out of Kevin Durand's Blob. Ryan Reynolds refuses to avoid every other movie I've seen for the past four years and I  now want to punch a midget-pimp that pimps midgets, or just pimps.

The movie's story is a mix of Watchmen and the first Superman film, including someone being naked in all three films. Why I know that is the only reason psychology majors are able to make money.

Christopher McQuarrie (Usual Suspects, writer) scripted the sequel. I've enjoyed all film things involving Christopher McQuarrie, plus he wrote/directed one of my favorite films - Way of the Gun with Ryan Phillipe punching the shit out of Sara Silverman and some intelligent criminals provided with wicked dialogue. 

Liev Schreiber is the shit. An excellent dickhead in Repo Men. Schreiber and Jackman make me enjoy this flick It's a guilty pleasure with a pleasant aftertaste post-wretching.