31 Days of Halloween Music - Day 30

Continuing my annual tradition - today, marks day 30 of celebrating the fun of horror that comes with Halloween. Today, we - and by "we" - me and the voices in my head, plus the specters that haunt my home.

It is the eve of the most glorious night of the year and a good friend's birthday. I'm not going to waste much time - The Misfits "Halloween I & II."

Keeping in line with my added twist, I also offer original songs dressed up by other people, just like  our own beings that don costumes for, normally, one night of the year (but we are all far from normal around here). Punk veterans A.F.I. off their interpretation of The Misfits' ode to Halloween.

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31 Days of Halloween Music - Day 29

Continuing my annual tradition - today, marks day 29 of celebrating the fun of horror that comes with Halloween. Today, we - and by "we" - me and the voices in my head, plus the specters that haunt my home.

I have a soft spot for werewolves. For years, vampires ruled the media outlets with all types of novels, movies, and books romanticizing the idea of being a creature of the night. Not all creatures are romantic, some are downright ugly. Werewolves are my pain. Six Feet Under - "Lycanthropy."

Keeping in line with my added twist, I also offer original songs dressed up by other people, just like  our own beings that don costumes for, normally, one night of the year (but we are all far from normal around here). Next, is the man who began in a band embracing the name of Father Halloween Sam Hain - Danzig and his cover a little ditty by Elvis Presley - "Let Yourself Go."

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31 Days of Halloween Music - Day 28

Continuing my annual tradition - today, marks day 28 of celebrating the fun of horror that comes with Halloween. Today, we - and by "we" - me and the voices in my head, plus the specters that haunt my home dance away with the classiest space man to ever fall to Earth - David Bowie whom people once veered as a scary monster, but the rest of us just call him awesome.

Keeping in line with my added twist, I also offer original songs dressed up by other people, just like  our own beings that don costumes for, normally, one night of the year (but we are all far from normal around here). I've never been an advocate of The Beatles, but that doesn't mean I'm ignorant to the magnanimous, everlasting influence they've bore down upon millions of musicians across the world, including several favorites of mine that have emulated them in several ways with four-part harmony vocals and upbeat, experimental music much like the Galactic Cowboys. Possibly one of the greatest unknown bands, they call Houston, Texas their home and while having officially disbanded several years ago, they annually hold a reunion concert because they are profoundly beloved not just by their hometown, but anyone that has called themselves a fan. They themselves pay tribute as fans to The Beatles; more directly Paul McCartney as they present an excellent version of "Junior's Farm." \

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31 Days of Halloween Music - Day 27

Continuing my annual tradition - today, marks day 27 of celebrating the fun of horror that comes with Halloween. Today, we - and by "we" - me and the voices in my head, plus the specters that haunt my home honor the master of giallo Dario Argento by striking up the theme to one of the most famous....or infamous horror films ever made, recorded by the rock band "Goblin" whom Argento used for a great portion of his earlier films - it is the main theme to "Suspiria." \

Keeping in line with my added twist, I also offer original songs dressed up by other people, just like  our own beings that don costumes for, normally, one night of the year (but we are all far from normal around here), we have Static-X, fronted by the recently deceased Wayne Static (R.I.P.) singing a duet with another recognizable heavy metal vocalist Burton C. Bell of Fear Factory, joining Static-X for a cover of industrial god(s) Ministry's "Burning Inside."

 

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31 Days of Halloween Music - Day 14

Continuing my annual tradition - today, marks day 14 of celebrating the fun of horror that comes with Halloween. Today, we - and by "we" - me and the voices in my head, plus the specters that haunt my home have a sweet tooth, and if Halloween provides on sure thing, it's happy dentists and a room full of angry parents with cavity-riddled children that are munching for weeks on leftover Halloween candy, and the occasional razor blade, but those taste terrible (still better than candy corn).

Keeping in line with my added twist, I also offer original songs dressed up by other people, just like our own beings that don costumes for, normally, one night of the year (but we are all far from normal around here). Sticking with 80's pop, we delve into the 90's with Presidents of the United States of America covering the song that kicked off the MTV generation and changed music forever.......until MTV became the shit-bomb that it is today - The Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star."

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Too Spoiled for Good Horror Movies?

 Major Hollywood studios don’t bother releasing horror movies theatrically in October anymore unless it’s a dried up, gore porn franchise like Saw which appeal to average moviegoers as opposed to the subtly elitist horror enthusiasts. Movie studios try squeezing their horror films into the super hero summer frenzy between March and August or drop them in to the slum months of January and February, when all of the projected flops and predicted failures are given a chance to stink up theaters equally.  2014 does seem to be driving things forward, however; Annabelle (The Conjuring spinoff) and Horns are both due in October – oh – so’s the 10^th anniversary rerelease of the original Saw.

Talking about horror with other fans and fanatics has become a sample of battling Alzheimer’s, or like doing rounds on the late-night talk show circuit; it’s the same three questions and same complaints every time: What is Hollywood thinking? What’s with the CGI blood? Every country except America knows how to do horror properly. Are they really out of ideas? You’ve got to weed out the crap to get to the good stuff – I’ve said it, lived it; I’m tired of doing it all over again, having to pretend like it’s the first time. 

There was a time when I would have agreed with the kindred, but even now they have become uprooted and spoiled by technology and a declining concentration span. I find horror movies I like regularly; most of them are even good.  Last week alone through casual research and risking life-time that I should use being constructive, I watched three entertaining horror films and one other that actually freshened the crowbar in terms of storytelling. 

These first three films, most of today’s “serious” horror fans are likely to shut off within the first seven minutes because of the double digit budget look of the film. Most people could claim these films were funded solely by the money found in between couch cushions. 

Raymond Did It (2011) – A classic tale of bloody revenge. Raymond is the mentally handicapped gargantuan older brother of Bryce. As children, Bryce’s friends were always critical of Raymond and after an argument with those friends, Bryce is accidentally killed and the pack points to Raymond to take the blame. Over a decade later, Raymond escapes from the institution he was sentenced to and wants payback.

 For being a C-List, maybe even a D-List film, the practical effects accompanying the ultra-violence are superb (one of the best uses of a lawn mower I’ve seen in years). The acting is terrible, some of the camera work during the climax is questionable, but everyone involved put their hearts into the project and it showed. 

Rage (2010) – An enraged biker, hidden by his helmet and gear, hazardously chases and antagonizes a writer while he’s on the road through the streets of Portland. Dennis is clueless about the reason why this faceless madman is chasing him down.

What starts as playful homage to Steven Spielberg’s Duel becomes a violent racing strip of mad debauchery. One of the biggest cliché’s in all of film making made me roll my eyes; I almost wanted to flip my attention to something else, but I’m glad I stayed. I was extremely pleased with the surly payoff. 

Slasher House (2013) – Red awakens inside a prison with a handful of other inmates, none with any idea how they came to be there, some without an idea of whom they are themselves. Red escapes her cell and begins searching for answers. She soon finds out that other people more malicious and insane than her are on the loose throughout the prison. 

This was is a psychological thriller that is paced excellently, mixing the horror-action and suspense seamlessly. Good news – one of the characters will be getting a spinoff film in 2015.

This last film was released last year with a far higher budget and much glossier production quality. It also featured some freshly induced horror mainstays like Tyler Mane, Derek Mears, and Muse Watson:

Compound Fracture (2013) – Michael takes his loving wife and rebellious nephew back to his childhood home at the behest of his stepmother who is worried about the deteriorating mental health of his father Gary. Gary suspects evil spirits have been trying to enter his home. Naturally, he is crazy until Michael starts sensing that their lives are in danger, and for once it isn’t Gary’s lingering insanity. 

The storytelling was what drew me into this movie, implementing elements of Norwegian mythology, performing Viking spiritual rituals, and the chance they took of having action sequences involving battling an evil spirit. Muse Watson played old and deranged splendidly and it was interesting watching Tyler Mane as a human being and not a mutated creature or masked psychotic. I found this one highly enjoyable. 

I would recommend any of these four films to horror fans, unfortunately, they’d be discarded and I’d be bastardized. That's fine with me. Human beings are gifted with having opinions, they just act like cocaine addicted children doing rehab at a public funded facility when someone disagrees with them. Yet, these were the types of movies horror’s grotesque niche was carved. Roger Corman, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Lucio Fulci; just some of pioneers that became legends in the horror industry whose films are considered classics by those in much higher horror status than I; they had no money, made cheesy movies that people spent five minutes viewing and turned them away. That is why these movies I just covered would be appreciated, but perhaps more by up-and-coming filmmakers who have experienced the fun and headaches of making a movie (and even then some people wouldn't like these movies). I do my best to watch most films with an open mind because the hype is the only thing advertisers use to promote and your average moviegoer swallows all the hype while getting frustrated when the product is not what they wanted. Well, by all means, go make your own damn movie.

Breaking Down The Wishmaster Series

The Wishmaster series is a rollercoaster of rule changes and things the audience is asked to forget ever happened.  Of the four films, the first was the only theatrically released one. We meet the Djinn (played by Andrew Divoff), who is banished inside a fire opal and can only be released when someone awakens the Djinn. To awaken it, it seems someone only has to rub it (it’s never specified), however, the “waker” as they are called in the films, is granted three wishes. SURPRISE!...The outcomes of the wishes have morbid effects upon the wishers, and the wisher must make three wishes so the Djinn can unleash his brotherhood upon the Earth. 

There are rules about how the Djinn is allowed to interact with humans in the first film. After the Djinn is awakened, it can grant other people only one wish. The Djinn can also assume their identity in order to persuade the Waker to make their wishes. In Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies, the Djinn collects their souls in exchange for a wish and the Djinn doesn’t have to assume a victim’s identity. He creates his own, which is played by Andrew Divoff.  In parts 3 & 4 he doesn’t need their souls, but as in the first film, he needs either a willing host or a victim to take their identities. Other changes include how the Djinn is defeated. There is no solid method of defeating the Djinn, thus each film develops its own method of resolving the climax. 

 The original film was the only one with Wes Craven’s name with a producer’s credit, and the creator and writer of the first film, Peter Atkins is given writing credit for the rest of the series, but only for creating the characters. The third & fourth films were filmed back-to-back within a weekend break period from one another, both directed by Chris Angel but using different writers.  Jack Sholder wrote and directed the second film; Robert Kurtzman directed the original. 

The first film pays a strong tribute to modern day horror veterans with Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, and Ted Raimi all having cameos and Angrus Scrimm (the Tall Man from Phantasm) provides a lone voice-over  explaining the origins of the Djinn. 

While none of the four movies are anything amazing, and most people would probably ask for those portions of their lives back, the third is arguably the weakest of them all as the characters and their dialogue are bland. The rest of the films are a slight step above that, but not much. Another shame is that Andrew Divoff portrays the Djinn for only the first two films. His voice work and expressions bring great, distinct characteristics to the creature. John Novak dons the role for the third and fourth films. He’s not a terrible actor, but this isn’t Shakespeare, which he would probably perform with great zest. 

The true stars of all four films are the visual effects crew. The first film used the K.N.B. Effects Crew. The rest of the films used independents, but all of them did a great job with the atmosphere surrounding the Djinn’s prison inside the fire opal as well as the gore and DJinn’s healing wounds. The majority of them were practical studio effects and quite impressive. A personal favorite was from Evil Never Dies when a prisoner wanted to “walk through the bars” of his jail cell.

The Wishmaster series could easily be rebooted/reimagined/refried with all of today’s remake-madness. It could work easily as either an anthology series or something along the lines of Final Destination, for it doesn’t seem the Djinn can be destroyed only contained, thus its evil is eternal.

Uncovering Coffin Joe

The Coffin Joe movie series is online. Despite the oppressively nominal budgets and zany, head-turning dialogue, these films are true madness.

Brazilian director, actor, and screenwriter Jose Mojica Marins created the Coffin Joe character and introduced him back in 1963 in the film At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul.  Coffin Joe is a narcissistic, blood lusting undertaker who is determined to protect his bloodline by finding the “perfect woman” and believes that any person allowing their superstitions to undermine success are weak and unworthy of living. While there is an official Coffin Joe Trilogy, the character also appeared in other horror films directed by Marins but as an archetype of hallucinations and evil rather than an actual cast member.

Notable for his black top hat, black cape, and grotesque elongated fingernails (which Marins maintains in real life), Coffin Joe enjoyed native success in Brazil appearing in music, comic books, and television; and enjoys a rowdy cult following in the United States.  Marins recently appeared as a guest at the 2013 inaugural Housecore Horror Festival in Austin, Tx. where there was a screening of At Midnight…. and a Q&A session with the filmmaker.

For someone unfamiliar with Coffin Joe, curiosity is the best reason to watch these movies. They do suffer from low budgets and Marins’ trial by fire approach towards directing, but they are a visual treat that I recommend.

 

Fans Killed the Fun

No one has aided pop culture more than the fans and no one has ruined the fun of pop culture more than the fans. The proof comes from years of beaten up, retconned timelines in comic books and recast, rehashed characters in television and movies. Everyone needs to accept part of the blame, if there is even blame to go around; the distributors, the movie studios, the major companies that own these franchises, but the ones that don’t want to own up to their fair share (a large majority in fact) is the fans.
It’s their whining and crying that led to the demise of the pop in pop culture, especially once the internet became universally available.  Everyone became an unpaid critic and most of the opinions expressed thoughtlessly, instantly; usually uninformed but always were worth every cent they were paid, which is none for those that got lost.

Fans cried for better comic book movies, they’ve gotten some of the best to date with The Avengers and Nolan’s Batman trilogy. Now, the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman has caused the smugness of fans to choke the life out of those of us that still enjoy pop culture but haven’t been able to have as much fun anymore because there’s no one to have a jubilant conversation or a level headed debate with any longer. If you have your own opinion, according to a “true fan,” if don’t agree with them – you’re wrong. Sound that out – Your OPINION is wrong. That has to be the most overly expressed, dimwitted response throughout the internet’s existence.
For the majority of you “true fans,”Man of Steel 2 is going to suck because they have already made up their minds that it is going to in fact suck. They have already decided that Ben Affleck is horrible casting as Batman and that Zack Snyder seeking a conference with Frank Miller is the biggest mistake in the history of DC Comics’ movies. The biggest mistake in DC Comics was selling to Warner Brothers and making products before making good stories; same goes for Marvel when they sold to Disney, but that’s actually nothing new. They’ve just recycled an old business practice only on a higher level. That was how DC and Marvel treated their characters in decades past, only they didn’t have the major financial backing of entertainment heavyweights such as Disney and Warner Bros. to bail them out if a financial rut if ever necessary. Remember, Marvel twice filed for bankruptcy. Of course, that means Superman is Warner Bros. bitch. Captain America is Mickey Mouse’s bitch. Remember that.

Musical followers decry their favorite artist’s integrity because of a change in the core of their sound. God forbid these musicians be actual musicians and explore the unlimited spectrum that music offers. Even when a member does a side project that sounds radically different from their norm and warns the fans about the side project not being for them, fans of the musician’s regular band will still piss and moan about the side project sounding nothing like the typical stuff.

When Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan declined dozens of millions of dollars to return to the Bat-franchise “fans” called them greedy. None of them care to think that as artists they are truly done with that part of their life and want to move on and explore other avenues of their craft to which they have only a limited amount of time, considering the types of roles they want to play and the amount of time from their lives as human beings it takes to make these movies. Nolan and Bale don’t want,  definitely don’t need the extra cash that fans gripe about other artists being overpaid for in other medias. Superman 3 and Superman 4 were paydays for Christopher Reeve. He loved the character, but he also loved his comfortable lifestyle that he attained mostly through his connection to Superman. Look how that turned out.

Boycotting a project doesn’t work either. Yes, people, your money makes studios and artists listen, but for every one that will actually live up to their word and not see a movie or hear an album, the rest of the drones that reflected the statement either buy into it anyway or download it and experience it in hiding, then, share with the world on the internet their opinion of the project, usually admitting that they obtained the project illegally – idiots – and despite their lack of dollars at the cash register, thousands or millions of other people do plunk their cash down for these products making the boycott a personal victory or the façade of one.

Ben Affleck loves Batman. I believe he will do a great job. Mostly, I love the decision of Ben Affleck as Batman because it’s pissing all of you off. Suck it. Reap it. Own it. It’s your damn fault anyway.  The only way I could be happier is if Warner Bros. fires Zack Snyder and hires Affleck to star and direct the damn movie. The fanboy-shitstorm would be epic and I'd love every moment.

God Bless Bobcat Goldthwait

The first time for me seeing Bobcat Goldthwait perform under any spotlight was in the Police Academy movies. His role was initially small although it got larger in one of the sequels. Me being only a child with no idea of good taste at the time, unless taste revolved around pizza, I was clueless that Bobcat Goldthwait was a touring comedian and a writer. When I saw the movie One Crazy Summer, a movie I love to this day, he offered more of the same slovenly, drooling, mentally unhinged character that most audiences were accustomed to, but wherever I saw him appear, be it in movies or on television, Bobcat was always entertaining. This was back in the 80’s when everyone wondered if he really spoke like a drunken seal. In actuality he is a very intelligent, eloquent human being and, in my unheard, oblivious opinion, has become a great filmmaker and keeps getting better with his growing stable of independent films.

In the late eighties, Bobcat maintained a steady amount of touring while tackling obscure film and television projects now and again while he refined his skills not only in front of the camera but with everything behind it as well, including the big three tricks - writing, producing, and directing. His first motion picture endeavor as a cinematic Jack of all trades was Shakes the Clown (1991); a dark comedy (Bobcat’s specialty) about an alcoholic party clown framed for murder. It gained critical success but fell off the radar almost immediately at the box office. Afterwards, Bobcat remained out of the spotlight while taking TV directing gigs and became the head director for Jimmy Kimmel Live back in 2004, which he still does today.

Bobcat was one of the first entertainment personalities to satirize reality television with his TV movie Windy City Heat (2003) where an out of luck actor obsessed with superstardom has no idea that his first big break is a complete hoax, from pre-production all the way to the fake movie premier. Sleeping Dogs Lie (2006) is where I feel that his off-camera talents truly begin to shine. In this film, a loving couple takes a trip to the girl’s parent’s house for the weekend where she divulges an embarrassing secret to her future hopeful husband. All the happiness and sunshine spirals downward. It becomes a joy to watch their loving unity collapse and nearly drown both of them as well. This isn’t the easiest movie to find humorous, much like all of his movies, but if you’re familiar with Bobcat’s brand of dark humor, you can definitely find the funny. World’s Greatest Dad (2009) starred Robin Williams as a luckless man who uses his son’s accidental death, which he fakes as a suicide, to catapult himself into fortune and fame. This one had me glued to the screen and quickly became my favorite movie by Mr. Goldthwait because of the absurd desperation of the father. It was my favorite until.....

God Bless America (2011). God Bless Bobcat, I say. I loved this movie from start to finish. Bobcat reunites with Joel Murray whom he shared screen time with in One Crazy Summer. Yes, Joel happens to be Bill Murray’s younger brother, you can hear their heritage in Joel’s dialect, but in this film Joel delivers a wonderful, emotionally charged performance. Joel is usually relegated to side characters and bit parts but being the main star, he delivered greatly.

In the movie Joe plays Frank, a down and out generally good guy whose life is crumbling right before his eyes. He’s recently divorced, his only child thinks he is too boring to spend time with, and he loses his job. Oh, and he’s received news that he has an inoperable tumor in his head. This sets Frank to deal with his true irritation - America’s growing fascination and approval of rude chauvinists gaining notoriety through reality television and through political annihilation. Against his better judgment, Frank accepts the aid of thirteen-year-old psychopath Roxy played by Tara Lynn Barr who herself delivers an effective performance, particularly considering her lengthy monologues which are not short on energetic passion. Together, the two set out across America on a killing spree targeting the rude idiots on American television and there are people in the real world that would love to either do such a thing or see something like it happen, but thankfully it’s relegated to a movie. But give it time, some unfortunate malcontent still might take up the challenge.

With his latest effort Willow Creek having recently premiered at various film festivals across the country, I’m anxious to watch it because I want to see how much further Bobcat Goldthwait has progressed and I want to know what misfortune his characters are experiencing. I want to know what bizarre, ill-fated situation they are going to find themselves in. His movies do not have what people would call happy endings. They have real endings. They have believable endings because we are not dealing with completely mentally stable characters. We’re dealing with people that came from the mind of Bobcat Goldthwait. I don’t think that is a mind anyone could handle being inside of for longer than ninety minutes, but what he does choose to share with us and what he chooses to create, I can’t wait for another rollercoaster ride.

No Sense

Again we show not what mankind has become, society has become. Again we show what mankind in society has always been. We have nefarious breeds and heroic breeds. Dumb breeds that need the brave breeds for survival. The newest breeds are greedy and lazy or greedy and determined, and dumb. They've stopped lying to us. Now, they lie right in front of us betting humanity's majority are overworked, overly medicated, or overly dependent on the government as they indulge in their sedentary bliss.

Interesting that there have been two consecutive bombings the same week the newest Man of Steel trailer premiered, which also coincided with Superman's 75th birthday. Hollywood's soil-scented desperation has sunk to an ultimate low. However, that flick is going to make a galaxy's amount of money.        

It is what we are. It is what we've always been. Mankind has always killed, raped, plundered; mankind has also saved, created, triumphed, but today we let the machines do those things for us. It's not about what the world is coming to, it's about what people have always been only back then the population wasn't retarding the very planet we live on, and there was no social media. You learned about it either in print or the spoken word long after it happened and long after the significance of the matter had warn off or erupted some desperate, sensitive help monger.

Yeah, I Saw It - Hypothermia (2010)

During an annual ice fishing getaway, a family is joined by a father and son who prefer bringing society's luxuries with them. They soon know their quarrel needs to cease because something beneath the ice has begun stalking them in the lake and on the land.

For the most part, Hypothermia kept my interest and offered some chills (HA! Pun). It has a short running time which helps it in every way. This is not the type of film you drag out for ninety minutes. That kind of mentality has hurt too many thrillers and horror movies. Writer/Director James Felix McKenney got it right.

There violence is satisfying and hurts equally because you might let some of these characters grow on you. It's a character driven movie that finally allows Michael Rooker to play a decent human being. He's usually playing scumbags and psychotics, which is also welcomed. Blanche Baker just about steals the show as Helen, wife to Michael Rooker's Ray. When it's time for her character to lead, she grabs the reigns and will be damned if she's giving them back.

It was relieving to see an actor in a  well made creature outfit. Most of the computer simulations were reserved for underwater movements. There was one land scene that made me jump.

And because I said that, I will now say this - I went into Hypothermia without having seen any trailers or read anything other than the synopsis on my TV screen. I have seen the trailer since then and I can't say I would've enjoyed the movie as much if I had seen previews prior to watching the movie.

Yeah, I Watched It - Stitches (2012)

Stitches is an undead party clown out for revenge on those responsible for his death. Go watch this movie. You're welcome.

 Director Connor McMahon and co-writer David O'Connor craft an entertaining splatter-fest. They kept everything simple, mixing the CGI gore well with the live-action type. Ross Noble is a thrill to watch as Stitches as the film establishes a fresh mythology with either great potential or a single, thankful punch to the cinematic face.

Stitches works because it's simple and you have people doing their jobs well.

Bad Movie Night

The Frankenstein Theory (2013) is blowing icy boredom-chunks all over my screen. It's from the creators and makers of The Last Exorcism which already left me sour, but my love of the Frankenstein era led me to watching it. I'm glad, now I know it is awful.

A geek believes that Mary Shelly's Frankenstein is a true story disguised as fiction and this his ancestor was the creator of the monster. They drag you around ice and snow with mindless bantering and once again no worthy payoff or exciting violence to keep you interested.

For a great experience in Frankenstein lore, read the graphic novel from Avatar Press Warren Ellis' Frankenstein's Womb written by the madman Warren Ellis with immaculate artwork by Marek Oleksicki.

Not Bad for a Human - Book Review

Being a fan of Lance Henriksen for most of my life, I was excited to learn about his biography Not Bad for a Human. I’ve never been one to submerge myself into a public figure’s personal life. I don’t care what clothes they wear or what food they like, but once in a while one of them actually has an interesting story to tell and just by looking and listening to Lance Henriksen you can easily infer, this guy has had some intense experiences. Lance Henriksen’s story is a grand odyssey and I thank him for having the graceful courage to share it with us.

His childhood would be considered a nightmare by most people, and as much as it was indeed for him, the way he shapes the story, you still sense the compassion he had for the one person that probably hurt him the most consciously and subconsciously.  His love for pottery is contagious as are his moral standards which he upholds before accepting any role.

What struck a chord with me mostly was that his greatest success occurred later in life. In his early days, Lance Henriksen was a rudderless ship without a compass so he had to learn life’s rules the hard way. He had to make all of the mistakes before finding the path to success, but he never turned his back on his principles. Some movies he did because he needed the money, but he never betrayed his ideals no matter how hard times were.  Plus, he drops f-bombs all over the place. I don’t think I would have ever imagined that about him, but it’s exciting and refreshing to know that there’s a star who talks like the rest of us.

From the reading onset I did not want to put this book down. Any moment I was interrupted or life’s necessary routines got in the way, I became frustrated because I had to stop reading Not Bad for a Human, but I grew excited because I knew it was waiting for me once I was finished. Co-written by Lance Henriksen and Joseph Maddrey, they have created an addictive, quick, fulfilling reading experience out of a humble, eccentric man’s whirlwind life.

Before, I was a fan of the actor and was pleased with what I read and saw of the man in interviews, but now I’m definitely a fan and admirer of the man Lance Henriksen.

Iron Sky (2012) - Yeah, I Saw It

Since 1945, the remains of the Third Reich have been hiding on the dark side of the moon.  Now, in 2018, they are prepared to launch an invasion to seek vengeance upon America complete with flying saucers and a doomsday machine.

Iron Sky is an homage to the classic 1950’s b-movies such as This Island Earth and The Forbidden Planet. Within this tribute to these cheesy classics is the social-political satire that made the cheese so tasty.  Astronaut James Washington stumbles upon the Nazis’ secret fortress. Astronaut James Washington happens to be African-American. Let the experiments commence.

The President of the United States in 2018 bares a remarkable resemblance and dimwitted personality to one Sarah Palin. However, women are among the strongest personalities and activists in the entire film, which has been a mainstay in science fiction. Renate Richter is the last voice of reason among the Nazi party. The more she discovers about Earth and how the world and its people associate and live together, the more she questions the ideals of the Reich.

Iron Sky is a film that questions the ideals of government and society, and how one affects the other in a vicious circle, but most importantly it tries to make us laugh at ourselves for what fools we can truly be when we disagree about creed and color and how we allow greed to corrupt our own will. However, first and foremost Iron Sky is a special effects driven film. It is green screen at its finest. The lighting and texture is infallible; the moon and fortress scenes director Timo Vuorensola and his visual effects crew created are some of the best I’ve ever seen.

Iron Sky is visually striking; the acting is suitable, nearly honorable considering it is a tribute to some movies that most critics consider the worst of all time.  Iron Sky is far from that. The comedy may be dry but it is funny especially if you understand the truth about the world you are living in.

R'ha - Yeah, I Saw It (and You Can Too)

Included below is a link to the short-film R'ha:

R’ha is a computer animated short-film from fresh talent Kaleb Lechowski.  The 22-year old has written, directed, and animated the 6 minute tale of an alien being tortured for information by a robotic despot.  Under duress, the alien reveals his backstory and the origins of hatred between his race and the machines that hold him hostage.

The majority of this presentation is high quality. The direction is crisp, the animation is outstanding; there are times you forget you’re watching computer graphics except for one moment near the end which is completely forgivable. The lighting completely sets the mood appropriately for the story, which is what helped make the film so good; the simplicity of the story and the dialogue. The wow-factors were the animation, even the voice overs (provided solely by Dave Masterson), and it all seems so remarkable due to a well told story. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen or read this kind of tale, if there is committed passion and a hint of talent, it will be remembered amongst the other great stories of its kind.

Hopefully, R’ha will lead Kaleb Lechowski to greater things; best of luck to him.

Nancy Drew (2007) - Yeah, I Saw It

Nancy Drew is a natural born sleuth. Unfortunately, her father wishes it was the last thing on her mind and that fitting in despite her affinity for the old fashioned was the foremost. When she accompanies her lawyer father on a business trip to Los Angeles, Nancy promises not to sleuth, but soon she finds herself surrounded by a murder mystery that she can’t help but get involved in, which may become a decision she will regret.

I caught this movie on a whim and before I knew it, I was hooked. My admiration for classic film helped reel me in as Nancy is on the case of a murdered fictitious starlet, but the movie had that classic feel to it blended seamlessly into the modern era, precisely like the Nancy Drew character, which Emma Roberts adapts splendidly to the big screen. Josh Flitter plays her younger tag-along sidekick Corky who provides the comedy relief. He definitely has screen presence and is stuck doing straight-to-dvd Disney crap right now, but has the chance to break out in the future. Meanwhile, this movie also features a bevy of cameos and side roles by some well known actors such as Barry Bostwick, the incredibly versatile and reliable Pat Carrol, and even the man himself – Bruce Willis. Ah. Yeah. OH, and the timelessly beautiful Rachel Leigh Cook; loverly, so lovely.

This was a movie I would most likely have never considered watching, I am vaguely acquainted with the Nancy Drew franchise, but perfect timing and that rare window of spare time led to some pleasurable viewing. There’s enough material to please a variety of ages young and less young, and there’s nothing better than a good mystery.

Dying God (2008) - Yeah, I Saw It

Being a corrupt cop in Buenos Aires has suited the vices of Detective Sean Fallon nicely. However, there is a serial killer on the loose savagely, inhumanely murdering women, mostly prostitutes; and Detective Fallon’s underbelly business associates are not handling their loss of merchandise too kindly, but the more information Detective Fallon obtains about the murderer the more it seems that there is nothing human about the killer at all.  

The estimated budget for Dying God rounded out to five-hundred thousand dollars, and I think it’s safe to say not all of the money went into the production; maybe some went up the nose and down the gullets of the production. Long-time producer Fabrice Lambot takes on Dying God as his first full-length feature after directing a couple of short films and pulls off a near miracle, particularly since there were four different screenwriters and two story creators. However, Lambot had his hand in both of those as well.

At first sight you’d think you were watching low scale amateur porn, and for the first twenty minutes you’d be right, but once the violence kicks in it was all guts and sleaze – everything I wanted. The story was actually interesting. The acting is terrible; Lance Henriksen easily outshines everyone with his performance, but the overall experience was worthwhile. James Horan performs terribly as Detective Fallon, but I actually grew to like the guy, bad delivery and all. At least he offered authentic personality.

There are absolutely zero computer graphics in this movie. All of the makeup, the costumes, and the gore are homemade and work perfectly. The action scenes are gruesome to watch, including some head explosions, abdominal eviscerations, and all out rape by a giant monster’s giant monstrous cock.

Anyone who takes cinema as a whole or horror far too seriously will most likely shun Dying God at first glance or within viewing the first five minutes. Personally, I was thrilled with it; I almost loved it, but it needed just a tad more violence for me to do that and a better climax, but it was a good story for what was offered, and it was refreshing to see hands-on effects in a creature feature, and the sleaze..ooooh the sleaze.  I would gladly watch Dying God again, and since Hollyweird is so hell bent on remaking everything within the first ten days of release, why not remake this one, just be sure to recast Lance Henriksen as the lady-friendly, take-no-shit pimp. He was awesome….naturally.