Don't Go in the Woods (2010) - Yeah, I Saw It

An indie band with a loyal local following has high hopes of scoring a major label record deal. In order to push their talent to the next level the group adheres to (Nick) their lead songwriter’s idea to sequester themselves in the woods with no connections or influences of the outside world allowed to interfere with their creative process. No cell phones, no drugs (alcohol or other), and no women. However, a surprise caravan made of female loyalists causes tension between Nick and everyone else, but they are resolved to bigger problems as people begin disappearing and the woods begins filling with music and dripping with blood.

I only knew three things about this movie going in:

1) It was directed by the brilliant, STILL underrated, but much more appreciated Vincent D’Onofrio; still best known from his performance as Private Lawrence from Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket, but gained wider notoriety during his stint on Law & Order: Criminal Intent as the genius, yet slightly unstable Detective Robert Goren. He’s also fondly remembered as Edgar from the first Men in Black film, the one who got possessed by the alien cockroach. Really, any role he’s in he owns it. Look up Vincent D’Onofrio’s movies and watch them; they’re not all great but he is always excellent.

2) The story centered on a band writing music. What kind of band? I didn’t know. The band could be classified as emo, which could turn some people off. It’s not my first choice to listen to but like any genre there are good bands and bad bands.

3) It was a slasher flick. Thank you, Zombie Jesus.

As I watched the movie, my eyes widened in no outlandish way upon discovering that this bare bones budgeted slasher film about a band in the woods is actually a musical. Not the type like Rock of Ages, which butchers rock classics by turning them into lackluster Broadway fodder, but the band’s music, which, if you’re a fan of the genre, is quite enjoyable; I myself liked the songs and I also liked that the music wasn’t limited to just the band members, even the women had their descanting moments. If you’re going to make a musical, go all out.

The acting was surprisingly decent. The cast was made up of locals, so the chemistry was comfortably authentic and reflective. D’Onofrio’s first-time directorship was a unique task to undertake but it seemed like he knew exactly what he wanted and he got it both in real-time shots and the music video portions. He kept it simple and it worked out well.

When it comes to a promise of bloodshed, I don’t care when it happens. You can spread it throughout the film or you can save it for the end, but if you’re going to save it for the end, I expect Hell to be unleashed on the victims. I will simply say I was satisfied with what was given, which is what I will also say for the movie as a whole. I was satisfied with what was presented.

This film version of Don’t Go in the Woods is not a remake of the 1984 camping slasher of the same name. Some fans, so-called fans, critics, and wannabe critics found themselves in a slight when they heard about a new version. They complained even more when they saw this new movie and discovered that it is a slasher musical. Quite frankly, they would have complained even if it wasn’t a musical because it would have been too practical and THEY would have expected more from someone with D’Onofrio’s cinematic experience. But, instead of actually trying to change the game they just complain about what other people do and how wrongly they do it because, again, it’s not what THEY would have done. THEY whine all the time about wanting something different or unique and it’s presented, THEY piss all over it because it’s not the different or unique that THEY wanted. Instead taking it for what it is, THEY trash it for what it is not. I took Dark Knight Rises for what was presented; a loud, flashy nonsensical piece of crap grounded so heavily in reality purposely by the first two films that it became a spoof of itself and wasted a great villain (kudos to Tom Hardy) by undermining him with lazy writing. I liked Vincent D’Onofrio’s Don’t Go in the Woods. It works as a fresh musical and an old school horror movie without trying to reinvent anything, just going with what works, having fun, and making the movie HE wanted to make.